“- Dana: So, let me establish, you are in fact asking me out on a date?
- Nick Campbell: Yes. And I figure I'm such a mountain of mistakes that going out with me just once this evening will be like packing 10 years of bad experience into, ya know, one night.”
Rose Byrne - Dana
Owen Wilson - Nick Campbell

“I had enough bad luck to keep me laughin' the rest of my life. Sat in that jail. I sat in that jail ’til I nearby done rot to death. I know what it’s like, Ms. Celie, to wanna go somewhere and can’t.”
Oprah Winfrey - Sofia

“You don't have the sense God gave a doughnut, do you?”
Scott Glenn - Jack Buggit

“- Psychiatrist: I'm sorry, I don't speak German.
- Depressed German: The nipples of mother fortune have run dry...”

Dave Foley - Psychiatrist

“Two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it.”
Lady Chablis - Chablis Deveau