“- Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?
- Pedro: A week. I mean a day.
- Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?
- Pedro: A weekday.”
Roy Stocking - The Hoods: Border Guard
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“You are so messin' with national security right now, man! You are fired tomorrow morning, I'm tellin' ya! I'll get the CIA and the FBI, you'll be workin' security at Toys R' Us!”

Steve Buscemi - Rockhound

“I shot a kid. He was 13-years-old. Oh, it was dark, I couldn't see him. He had a ray gun, looked real enough. You know, when you're a rookie, they can teach you everything about bein' a cop except how to live with a mistake.”
Reginald VelJohnson - Sgt. Al Powell

“Wait! I didn't steal anything! I was returning something I stole!”

Paul Rudd - Scott Lang

“Now Jack, a cop is a guy, and sometimes a guy steps on his dick. Is that what happened here? Were you pressing too hard and stepped on your dick?”
Kevin Tighe - Blake Wilson