“- Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
- Healy: Who, Rollerpig? Are you nuts?
- Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
- Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.”
Ben Stiller - Ted
Matt Dillon - Healy

“It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck, or you're ugly as shit. It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.”
Seth Rogen - Cal

“- Paulie: Who was it got you your first woman, huh? Me! Paulie! I was responsible!
- Rocky Balboa: She was pregnant.
- Paulie: So what, you wasn't no prize either.”
Burt Young - Paulie
Sylvester Stallone - Rocky Balboa

“- Patcha: There's two people in there looking for you.
- Kuzco: Who?
- Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
- Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“Now look at him, married to a woman who looks like she's been hibernating in Margaret Thatcher's bumhole.”

Russell Brand - Lonny