“Lynda, if this is a joke, I'll kill you!”
Jamie Lee Curtis - Laurie Strode

“- Dr. David Kibner: Face it, Bellicec, you got some friends who enjoy playing practical jokes.
- Jack Bellicec: I don't have any friends, Dr. Kibner.
- Dr. David Kibner: Then, some enemies.”
Leonard Nimoy - Dr. David Kibner
Jeff Goldblum - Jack Bellicec

When I was a kid, I was tormented with Polish jokes. Oh, you know, "Who was Poland's Man of the Year?" - Nobody. "How do you sing the Polish National Anthem?" - You don't sing it, you fart it. "How do you tell a Polack's identification?" - By the shit in his wallet.
Dom DeLuise - Marlon Borunki

“- Damien Thorn: Teddy, don't ever talk about my father again. Do you understand?
- Teddy: Can't you take a joke?
- Damien Thorn: Yes.”
Jonathan Scott-Taylor - Damien Thorn
John J. Newcombe - Teddy

“- Sex Shop Salesman: Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.
- Paul Bland: Trail mix?
- Sex Shop Salesman: I was making a joke.”
John Paragon - Sex Shop Salesman
Paul Bartel - Paul Bland