“- Paul Kirkwood: What kind of future can she have with this guy, he cuts meat!
- Tommy 'Birdman' Rowland: You plow snow.
- Kev: Hey, at least meat you can eat.”
Michael Rapaport - Paul Kirkwood
Matt Dillon - Tommy 'Birdman' Rowland
Max Perlich - Kev

“I'm sick of chauffeuring these fucking entitled wannabe playboys who have never worked a day in their life. Showing them houses that I could never afford. Laughing at their jokes that I can't stand. All while fending off their gropes. But not all their gropes. Because you never know, one of these days I might just might get a full commission.”
Jennifer Lopez - Leslie Rodgers

“I got a fax from Miranda Priestly herself... saying that of all the assistants she's ever had... you were, by far, her biggest disappointment. And, if I don't hire you, I am an idiot. You must have done something right.”
John Rothman - Editor

“- Ray: So you've used the door, the building's still intact, people are happy you've arrived, they feel safe now, there's an officer there and he's done a good job, so you might want to tell him he's done a good job.
- John Hancock: What the hell did I have to come for, Ray, if he's done a good job?”

Jason Bateman - Ray
Will Smith - John Hancock

“You know what the biggest jerk-off of all is? Beyond family even, because you can't control your family, is jobs. I mean, this totally mystifies me. Can you believe people actually accept this? It's like you work all day, people tell you what to do all day long. You know, and then on top of taking shit all day, they can fire you.”
John C. Reilly - Richard Gaddis