“Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.”
“- Oliver: So far so good.
- Stan: It wasn't so far. We just came across the street.”
“- Oliver: Do you have to ask your wife everything?
- Stan: If I didn't ask her, I wouldn't know what she wanted me to do.”
- Oliver: To catch a Hardy they've got to get up very early in the morning.
- Stan: What time?
- Oliver: Oh about half past - "What time". Hmph.
“- Old King Cole: I'll give 50,000 guineas for the capture of that scoundrel, dead or alive.
- Stan: Dead or alive?
- Old King Cole: Dead or alive!
- Stan: Can't you make up your mind how you want him?”
“I think we've given that deed to the wrong woman.”
“- Oliver: Now why did you hire a veterinarian?
- Stan: I didn't think his religion would make any difference.”
“Any bird can build a nest, but it isn't every one that can lay an egg.”
“- Stanley: Do you mind if I have another idea?
- Ollie: If it's anything like the last one, yes.”
“- Barnaby: Who is it?
- Stan: It's me.
- Barnaby: What do you want of this hour of the night?
- Stan: Well, you see, Ollie and I are sorry for what happened this afternoon, and just to show you that we're not mad at you, we brought you a little Christmas present. It's from me and from Ollie.
- Stan: Christmas present in the middle of July?
-...” (continue) (continue reading)