“- Will Smith: What's your daughter's name?
- Ollie Trinke: Gertrude.
- Will Smith: Damn, why'd you do that man?”
Will Smith - Himself
Ben Affleck - Ollie Trinke

“- Dr. Joseph Dolan: Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I don't know. I don't have any.
- Dr. Joseph Dolan: No children?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No elephant books.”
M. Emmet Walsh - Dr. Joseph Dolan
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Hank: You had enough? You've learned your lesson about jumping rope in the street and using dirty language?
- Jump Rope Girl: I'm gonna tell my daddy on you, Charlie!
- Hank: Wrong answer! And the name's Hank, fuckface. Learn it!”

Jim Carrey - Hank
Heather Hodder - Jump Rope Girl

“- Darcy Elliot Bobrucz: How could you name our baby Theodosia?
- Stan Bobrucz: We needed a name for a the birth certificate, I asked you what you wanted!
- Darcy Elliot Bobrucz: It sounds like a greek fishing boat, or a crater on the moon or something!”
Molly Ringwald - Darcy Elliot Bobrucz
Randall Batinkoff - Stan Bobrucz

“- Sam Francisco: This is my son, Richard. He's four years old. We named him after your former president, Richard Nixon.
- Matthew Sykes: George, from now on, tell people that you named him after the director Richard Burton. Just trust me on this.”

Mandy Patinkin - Sam Francisco
James Caan - Matthew Sykes