“- Carl: Maybe you shouldn't get married anymore.
- John Henderson: I want kids.
- Carl: Well, adopt.
- John Henderson: I want to pass down my seed.
- Carl: Masturbate in the garden.”
John C. McGinley - Carl
Albert Brooks - John Henderson

- Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
- Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.
Nia Vardalos - Toula Portokalos
Lainie Kazan - Maria Portokalos

“- Lou Peckinpaugh: You mean you married your own father?
- Mrs. Montenegro: It's not like you think. It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.”
Peter Falk - Lou Peckinpaugh
Madeline Kahn - Mrs. Montenegro

“Who's the lucky, soon-to-be-dead son-in-law?”
Mel Gibson - Martin Riggs

“- Baroness Laginsky: I knew your father when he was young.
- George Sand: Really?
- Baroness Laginsky: Yes. We girls were enraged when we heard he'd married that dancer, or whatever she was.
- George Sand: You mean my mother?”
Elizabeth Spriggs - Baroness Laginsky
Judy Davis - George Sand