“- Dr. Mumford: I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant stabilizing force in my life was drugs.
- Skip Skipperton: An IRS investigator with a drug problem!”
Loren Dean - Mumford
Jason Lee - Skip Skipperton

“- Sam Brenner: Did you play 'Space Invaders' recently?
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: Yes. How did you know? Why?
- Sam Brenner: Cuz you're invading my space. Back off.”
Adam Sandler - Brenner
Josh Gad - Ludlow

“- Inspector Mason: I want another autopsy on Fissue. And be very careful this time. It's possible he was murdered by some obscure drug that you might have overlooked.
- Coroner: I'm very sorry, Inspector. But I can't make another autopsy. Because the body was cremated yesterday.”
Alan Hale - Inspector Mason
John Dilson - Coroner

“Sometimes girls like you go down and down until at last they fall victim to narcotics!”

Virginia Weidler - Harriet Thomas

“Valium, prozac, and ritalin. Breakfast of champions.”
Christopher Lambert - Lou