“- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
- Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
- Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
- Richard: I know, they're called doctors.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“Look, we all know home-ec is a joke, no offense, it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit, and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel.”

Jonah Hill - Seth

“- Ordell Robbie: You know you smoke too much of that shit, that shit gonna rob you of your own ambition.
- Melanie Ralston: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV...”
Samuel L. Jackson - Ordell Robbie
Bridget Fonda - Melanie Ralston

“- Det. Sgt. Lestrade: I despise your arrogance.
- Sherlock Holmes: And I despise your laziness.”
Roger Ashton-Griffiths - Det. Sgt. Lestrade
Nicholas Rowe - Sherlock Holmes

“- Mrs. Connelly: You guys don't work, you don't go to school, you don't do anything. All you do is lay around and drive your cars and eat us out of house and home. You know how that makes me feel?
- Donny Semenec: Mad.”
Elizabeth Dimon - Mrs. Connelly
Michael Pitt - Donny Semenec