“- George: Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.
- Jack Powell: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.”
Mario Yedidia - George
Robin Williams - Jack Powell

“I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.”
Pierce Brosnan - Julian Noble

“- Mr. Randy: Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?
- Julian Noble: Sounds delightful to me.”
Philip Baker Hall - Mr. Randy
Pierce Brosnan - Julian Noble

“- Principal Holmstead: How am I ever going to get through to you?
- Kelly Ernswiler: Well, advertising executives use status and sex to appeal to my demographic.”
Hattie Winston - Principal Holmstead
Shia LaBeouf - Kelly Ernswiler

“- Drew Latham: You do know that's a bra you're putting in Brian's drawer, right?
- Christine Valco: Yeah, that's your brother. He's 15, he likes to experiment. We still love him though.”
Ben Affleck - Drew Latham
Catherine O'Hara - Christine Valco