“- Farmer Ted: I know I came on kinda like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
- Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
- Farmer Ted: Yeah, but the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Farmer Ted
Molly Ringwald - Samantha

“- Carol: I want you to look into my eyes. What do you see?
- Picardo: It's dark... and it's cold.
- Carol: It's your future. Keep this up, and you will spend the rest of your life stabbing trash by the highway.”

Elizabeth Mitchell - Carol
Andrew Stone - Picardo

“Last time I smoked that stuff, they found me on top of the Sears Tower trying to build a nest.”

Robin Williams - Jack Moniker

“That's what keeps a relationship going through the years. Like heroin, I mean heroin's got a great fucking personality.”
Jonny Lee Miller - Sick Boy

“- Malcolm: Phoebe - how would you like to supervise our Sidney for a month or two?
- Phoebe: No way.
- Malcolm: Go on; you'd be a good influence on the boy. Why not?
- Phoebe: Infectious hepatitis, loony girlfriend, drugs?
- Malcolm: Boys will be boys.”
David Hayman - Malcolm
Debby Bishop - Phoebe