“Did you know that more than 33 different aboriginal tribes believe that the soul resides somewhere in the lower intestinal tract? Absolutely true, but here's the zinger: none of these tribes have any knowledge of each other's existence.”

Lucas Hedges - Bob

“- Baxter: We don't get too many visitors here, except people whose ships have run aground.
- Eric: Almost the entire population is descended from shipwreck victims.
- Baxter: Don't underestimate your own contribution, Eric.”
Sir Michael Caine - Baxter
Fulton Mackay - Eric

“Funny, ancient pharaohs looked forward to the end of the world. Hoping the cadavers would rise, and reclaim hearts from golden jars. Must currently be holding breath in anticipation.”
Jackie Earle Haley - Rorschach

There's some wizards, like the Malfoy family, who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call "pure blood".
Robbie Coltrane - Hagrid The Giant

“Go call Arnold and Sly, and Jackie Chan and Van Damme, and tell them the spearchucker said hello!”
Eddie Murphy - Kit Ramsey