“- Sara McDowel: What did you have in mind?
- Harris K. Telemacher: Well, I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A.
- Sara McDowel: That's the first fifteen minutes, then what?”
Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

“- Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
- Clark Griswold: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“There was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!”
Luke Wilson - Joe Bauers

“The cultural environment in which one lives ought to be as important as the air he breathes, the food he eats.”
Željko Ivanek - Mr. Cleary

“When my people were developing philosophy your people were still swinging from trees.”

Michael Constantine - Gus Portokalos