“Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man.”
Reese Witherspoon - Melanie Smooter

“Okay, I was going to tell you, okay? There was this guy Joey. His name is Joey; he's at work. We went out and we had dessert; I went out and had dessert with him when I told you I worked late and I didn't work late and I'm feeling really guilty in case we're gonna die. I just wanted you to know that.”

Mark Wahlberg - Elliot Moore

“- Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: Did I tell you guys I'm taking out Carol Heathrow tomorrow night?
- Timothy Fenwick Jr.: She... is death!”
Mickey Rourke - Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell
Kevin Bacon - Timothy Fenwick Jr.

“- Detective Cameron: I got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here.
- Sorority Sister: What's the bad news?
- Detective Cameron: They're dead.”
Tom Atkins - Ray Cameron

- "Candy" Johnson: Don't tell me my wife is gonna die. I don't like talk like that.
- Dr. Otis: Take hold of yourself, man. I'm doing my best, but I'm only human.

Clark Gable - "Candy" Johnson
Russell Hicks - Dr. Otis