“- Beth: The police are here.
- D-Fens: Beth, did you know that in some South American countries it's legal to kill your wife if she insults you?”
Barbara Hershey - Beth
Michael Douglas - D-Fens

“My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he's so full of shit.”

Paulie Litt - Bryan

- Terrance Paul Davidson: Hey, is this your wife? Damn! I see why you were upset! Not bad Nick, not bad, Nick! You know, for a cheatin' bitch.
- Nick Beam: Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that.
- Terrance Paul Davidson: Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? "Monogamously challenged"?
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“- Walter Burns: You persuade Hildy to do the story and you can write out a nice fat insurance policy for me.
- Bruce Baldwin: I refuse to use my wife for business purposes.”
Cary Grant - Walter Burns
Ralph Bellamy - Bruce Baldwin

“Lorraine, you have been in Mr. Smith's arms. Nothing like that must ever happen again, it embarrasses me. You're my wife, and he's a murderer.”
Peter Lorre - Stephen Danel