“- Prissy The Elephant: They've gone and made him... oh dear, I just can't say it... made him a clown.
- The Elephant Matriarch: Oh, the shame of it. Let us take the solemn vow. From now on, he is no longer an elephant.”

Sarah Selby - Prissy The Elephant
Verna Felton - The Elephant Matriarch

“You got to tell her. Seriously. You can pass off two dates without a kiss as old fashioned, you go three and you're a homo.”

Paulo Costanzo - Ryan

“- Nerd student: Have you adhered strictly to your vow of celibacy?
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Yes, I have.
- Nerd student: Me too.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I'm not surprised. Mine was by choice.”
Willie Garson - Nerd student
Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii

“- Father Seamus: Tell me. Is celibacy just as difficult for a woman as it is for a man?
- Charlie McManus: I wouldn't know... I must come clean, though, I, I had a man in my bed last night. All night. You see, the way I see it, sex is allowed.”
Tom Hickey - Father Seamus
Robbie Coltrane - Charlie McManus

“- Morthond: One year ago, I took a vow of silence!
- Cord: When did you break it?
- Morthond: Now!”
Anthony De Longis - Morthond
Jeff Cooper - Cord