“- John Harris, Sr.: Oh by the way, I'm coming to pick up my kids on Saturday.
- Bernadine Harris: Yeah? If I hear you had 'em anywhere near that tramp bitch, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life!”
Michael Beach - John Harris, Sr.
Angela Bassett - Bernadine Harris

“- Ron Burgundy: Hey Garth. How's the divorce?
- Garth Holliday: Oh, not so good... I'll probably never see my kids again.
- Ron Burgundy: [interrupts, not listening] Fantastic!”
Will Ferrell - Ron Burgundy
Chris Parnell - Garth Holliday

“- Fletcher Reede: You brought your kids to your divorce?
- Samantha Cole: Sympathy.
- Fletcher Reede: Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already!”
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede
Jennifer Tilly - Samantha Cole

“In case of divorce, our school only allows contact with the student after permission from the parent the child lives with. That means I can't help you. How dare you kidnap an 8-year-old? This is pointless. Try legal means instead. You know our view; you're disturbing the peace. Go away!”

Helen van Meurs - Anke Bouma

“Mom, is it possible that you're taking the frustration of your failed marriage out on me?This California trip seems like a great learning opportunity and a chance for me to get to know my father. But if you think it's more important to use me to channel your frustration against the man you no longer love, I'll understand.”
Cameron Bright - Joey Naylor