“- Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
- The Old Man Parker: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screwdriver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.”
Ian Petrella - Randy
Darren McGavin - The Old Man Parker

“More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.”

Sir Charlie Chaplin - Hynkel - Dictator of Tomania

“Eagle Eyes. Nine enhanced-vision modes. Every little boy's dream: the penetrator mode.”

Michael Roof - Toby Lee Shavers

“- George Clark: Did you really beat a suspect unconscious with a dead cat?
- Orin Boyd: No. The cat wasn't dead.”
Isaiah Washington - George Clark
Steven Seagal - Orin Boyd

“- Artemus Gordon: My auxiliary tool kit, I forgot all about it. It must have fallen out of my pocket.
- James West: Your pocket? Why wasn't it on some spring-loaded contraption that shoots out your ass?
- Artemus Gordon: That's the first place Loveless would have looked.”
Kevin Kline - Artemus Gordon
Will Smith - James West