“- Shareholder: I wanted to be veterinarian.
- Longfellow Deeds: Cool. Why did you want to do that?
- Shareholder: I wanted to help sick animals.
- Longfellow Deeds: And what do you do now?
- Shareholder: I own a chain of slaughterhouses.”
Dion Anderson - Shareholder
Adam Sandler - Longfellow Deeds

- Lloyd Christmas: My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
- Mary Swanson: That's nice.
- Lloyd Christmas: I got worms!
- Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?
- Lloyd Christmas: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms"! We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Lauren Holly - Mary Swanson

“- Rat Vendor - The French Revolution: Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, rat pies, or the ever-popular ratatouille.
- Nothing Vendor - The French Revolution: Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!”

Jack Carter - Rat Vendor - The French Revolution
Jan Murray - Nothing Vendor - The French Revolution

“Rats want job. Frog want job. What next, penguins?”
Louis Zorich - Pete

“- Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
- Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
- Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
- Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
- Scott Evil: You always do that!”
Seth Green - Scott Evil
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil