“- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I command you to leave this child at once!
- Nancy Aglet: Make me, slimeball.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I am a priest!
- Nancy Aglet: Oh, pardon me, your most reverent and holy slimeball!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii
Linda Blair - Nancy Aglet

“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: As soon as your bunks are done, I want you two turds to clean the head.
- Pvt. J.T. 'Joker' Davis, Pvt. Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.”
R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Matthew Modine - Pvt. J.T. 'Joker' Davis
Arliss Howard - Pvt. Cowboy

“Every man... every man has to go through hell to reach paradise.”
Robert De Niro - Max Cady

“- High Priest: Behind these doors is the Holiest of Holies, earthly domain of the gods. A place so ineffably sacred, so powerful, that he who enters: instant death!
- Oh: Who cleans it?”
Oliver Platt - High Priest
Michael Cera - Oh

“Irish is the language of Patriots. And English of traitors and informers. But latin, ah boys, latin. That the holymartyrs spoke before expiring in the foaming mouths of ravenous lions. Yes, it's latin that gains the entrance to heaven itself.”