“- Jess: Why did you come up here if you were on to us?
- Nicky: Professional curiosity, and I like boobs, so I considered it was a win win.”
Margot Robbie - Jess
Will Smith - Nicky

“I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.”
John C. Reilly - Cal Naughton Jr.

“- Miles Logan: Damn. What happened? Did you eat the whole time I was in there? Wait a minute, that's alright. I can adjust, it's the love that counts. I can adjust to a plus size woman, just more cushion for the pushing.
- Shawna: Janiece! Your sad-ass sack of bones is here!
- Miles Logan: I apologize, you're her cousin. Can I buy you some cereal?”

Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan
Octavia Spencer - Shawna

“I always sleep better with a little sausage in me.”
Cloris Leachman - Great Gam Gam

“- Dudley Frank: I'm looking forward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
- Woody Stevens: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.”
William H. Macy - Dudley Frank
John Travolta - Woody Stevens