Melissa McCarthy quotes
“Did he also make you dress like a slutty dolphin trainer?”
“- Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
- Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?”
“Caustic wit is my religion.”
“It’s my responsibility as your best friend to make sure you do exciting things, even when you don’t want to.”
“Emily Stanton-Lydia, do you have any idea what you’ve done? I’ve worked for this my entire life, and you’ve ruined everything.
Lydia Berman-Oh, I don’t know what was in those needles, but I’m totally happy to give it back to you. I can like pee in a cup, or something.”
“- Lee Israel: Can you keep a secret?
- Jack Hock: Who would I tell? All my friends are dead.”
“I'm a 51-year-old who likes cats better than people.”
“You want something to eat? I didn't finish my submarine sandwich from the other day.”
“I look like someone's homophobic aunt!”
“- Oliver: I had sushi.
- Maggie: You had sushi?
- Oliver: Well, sardines. He calls it sushi. Didn't want to hurt his feelings.”
“- Robin: Hey, Shannon.
- Mullins: Hi, Robin.
- Robin: I really enjoyed our night together, Shannon. You just disappeared on me.
- Mullins: Yeah, I know. I was there.
- Robin: Well, can I take you to dinner? A movie or something?
- Mullins: God, buddy, do you not hear how pathetic everything out of your mouth sounds? I mean, there's a girl out...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Bradley Fine: Is he dangerous?
- Susan Cooper: Only if you have boobs.”
“- Rick Ford: I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with this fuckin' arm.
- Susan Cooper: I don't know that that's possible... I mean medically...”
“- Tihomir Boyanov: I'm now the only one who knows just where that dangerously compact and transportable nuke is. So... I'd say I have more than ten seconds.
- Bradley Fine: Well then in that case, I'd say you'd better st- [sneezes and accidentally shoots Tihomir in the head]
- Bradley Fine: Oh, fuck...
- Susan Cooper: [on earpiece] Oh my God,...” (continue)(continue reading)
“You're a loud kisser, and it's gross and unappealing. You look like some old toothless woman suckin' the jelly out of a donut.”
“I can see your gun, unless you're so extreme that you have a second dick coming out of your hip!”
“If you're not in trouble you're not doing your job.”
“My fear is that I'm gonna put you in a bikini and you'll still look like a fucking bank teller.”
“- Robert Meary: I can't teach people to write poetry. It has to come from your experience... from your insides.
- Cici Pinkus: What do you do if everything inside you is ugly?
- Robert Meary: Your life may be ugly, kid, but a successful poem about it will not be ugly because the poem will illuminate and communicate the horror of your life to...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Susan Cooper: [wakes up next to Ford] Aaaaah!
- Rick Ford: Oh, stop screaming, you loved it!
- Susan Cooper: Ugh, God.”