“- Corky Romano: I never thought I'd live to see the day that an FBI agent would be peddling smack.
- Agent Brick Davis: Don't act so surprised. J. Edgar Hoover used to wear a dress.
- Corky Romano: Just tell me why, Brick.
- Agent Brick Davis: I don't know. I suppose it made him feel sexy.
- Corky Romano: Not Hoover. You!”
Chris Kattan - Corky Romano
Matthew Glave - Agent Brick Davis

“In Bay City, when you cross the line, your nuts are mine.”
Ben Stiller - David Starsky

“- Peoples Hernandez: You're not a cop anymore.
- John Shaft: Do you think that makes me less dangerous, or more dangerous?”
Jeffrey Wright - Peoples Hernandez
Samuel L. Jackson - John Shaft

“- Cynthia Webb: Isn't this breaking and entering?
- Divinci: I don't know, I'm homicide, we don't learn that stuff.”

Lela Rochon - Cynthia Webb
Jim Belushi - Det. Frank Divinci

“- Sheriff Loomis: I've been waitin' to catch you guys in the act. Been waitin' and watchin'.
- Packard Walsh: Congratulations. You caught us talking. There's no law against that, is there officer? Unless of course I got my wires crossed and you caught us speaking without a permit.”
Randy Quaid - Sheriff Loomis
Nick Cassavetes - Packard Walsh