“Waiting for Guffman” quotes

Movie Waiting for Guffman
Title Waiting for Guffman
Year 1996
Director Christopher Guest
Genre Comedy
Plot – The town of Blaine in Missouri is about to celebrate the 150th anniversary of its foundation. A group of citizens thinks that it would be nice to celebrate it with a solemn event, but the City Council replies that there is no money. The idea is to put on a show that tells the city's history, from its origins to nowadays. A theater director, who has worked in New York and then came back in town, volunteers to organize the show. The acting company is mixed, with people of different ages and social classes: a woman, some grown-up couples and some employees in other sectors. When they meet all together for rehearsals, they show different habits, difficulties and contrasts in relating to each other, but the group goes on, even because a manager from New York is coming for them. After many difficulties the show begins and a man gets confused with the manager because he sits in the reserved chair. At the end of the play, he is invited into the dressing room and he congratulates to everybody, but he claims to be just a common spectator. The disappointment and the discouragement make the group split and some members go to Hollywood, others to Miami, New York and Alabama.
All actors – Deborah Theaker, Michael Hitchcock, Scott Williamson, Larry Miller, Don Lake, Christopher Guest, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara, Parker Posey, David Cross, Eugene Levy, James McQueen
show all
  • “We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.”
    Fred Willard - Ron Albertson
  • Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.”
    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
    [Tag:children, food, school]
  • “This accidental meeting... it's like a Hitchcock movie you know where you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car, you find people. You find them. Something, is it karma?”
    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
  • “What New York really is, is it's an island, with lots of people, lots of different people... I hope to maybe meet some guys, some Italian guys, and maybe watch some TV.”
    Parker Posey - Libby Mae Brown
  • “- Corky St. Clair: Why are you whispering? I'm right here, you know?
    - Lloyd Miller: [raising voice considerably] Oh I'm sorry, do you want me to talk louder? Because I think that that it would be...
    - Corky St. Clair: Well now it's too loud! You know, just talk like a normal person, ok?”

    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
    Bob Balaban - Lloyd Miller
  • There's a saying in Missouri, "if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes". In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.
    Larry Miller - Glenn Welsch - Mayor
    [Tag:mottoes, time]
  • “During the show I had someone burn newspapers and send it through the vents in the theatre. And well, they freaked out, and 'course the fire Marshall came over and they shut us down for a couple of days.”
    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
    [Tag:fire, theater]
  • “Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.”
    Fred Willard - Ron Albertson
    [Tag:irony, job, traveling]
  • “People don't like to have fire poked, poked in their noses.”
    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
    [Tag:fire, nose]
  • What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to... accept. It's like in the olden days, in the... days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves... say, y'know... "D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!" and... smack 'em!
    Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair
  • “All of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing, it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I... find I have no feelings in my buttocks.”

    David Cross - UFO Expert
  • - Ron Albertson: I had to have penis reduction surgery.
    - Dr. Allan Pearl: Penis reduction?
    - Sheila Albertson: I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!". And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?".

    Fred Willard - Ron Albertson
    Eugene Levy - Dr. Allan Pearl
    Catherine O'Hara - Sheila Albertson
  • “He can act and he can sing and he can dance. There's only one other person in the world who can do all that, and that's Barbra Streisand.”
    Michael Hitchcock - Steve Stark - Councilman
    [Tag:ability, singers]
  • “People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.”
    Eugene Levy - Dr. Allan Pearl
    [Tag:class, studying]
  • “We don't associate with the creative types. We have a Scrabble club. We associate with people with babies.”
    Linda Kash - Mrs. Allan Pearl