David Cross quotes
- Dwight: Let's split up.
- Brenda: Uh uh! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?
“I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.”
“Killed him with a hairdryer... Way to use the resources you had handy!”
“Man, I know they talking about beer, but I can think of another pair I'd like to grab. My balls.”
“- Hanson: All right, who's ready for a wing?
- Dwight: Yours or the turkey's?”
“- Birthday Woman: Oh, Ronnie Dobbs. You are brilliant. You have to do me a favor.
- Ronnie Dobbs: At your service.
- Birthday Woman: Tell me to fuck off.
- Ronnie Dobbs: Huh?
- Birthday Woman's Friend: Come on, it's her birthday.
- Ronnie Dobbs: Alright. Fuck you, bitch.”
“- Tammy: Well, how am I gonna get a babysitter?
- Ronnie Dobbs: Ain't you got a T.V.?
- Tammy: Yeah.
- Ronnie Dobbs: Well alright then. See ya tonight.”
“Guys, before we start the tape, one more thing - what's up with anal probing? I mean, do they really come billions of light years just to...”
“- Irwin Wayfair: These microprocessing chips. What do they do and where did you get them from?
- Larry Benson: They microprocess. And they come from the land of l Saved Your Job.
- Irwin Wayfair: They were designed for the Defense Department. You put munitions chips in toys?”
“- Larry Benson: Welcome to Earth, Irwin. You may not be familiar with our company, but this is pretty much the way things work down here in the real world.
- Irwin Wayfair: Well the real world sucks.”
“Hey I don't need your help lady. I can do it myself.
[gives himself oral sex]”