Tony Randall quotes
“- Jonathan Forbes: Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.
- Brad Allen: That's what you said when you married that stripper.
- Jonathan Forbes: She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.”
“Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?”
“There's only one thing worse than a man who doesn't have strong likes and dislikes, and that's a man who has strong likes and dislikes without the courage to voice them.”
“Marilyn Monroe was no fun to work with. She would report to work around 5:00 in the evening. You've been in make-up since 8:30 in the morning waiting for her.”
“We have too many actors for the jobs available.”
“So many people have won Emmys, so many people have won multiple Emmys that I think it's a degraded award.”
“Awards are only a publicity gimmick.”
“You mustn't take any award so seriously.”
“We're also the only country that has the Death Penalty. That's something to boast about, isn't it?”
“Sooner or later, we sell out for money.”
“None of us has been in New York before. There are the Broadway shows - we'll have to find out how to get tickets. There's also a lot of street crime, but I believe we can watch that for free. We want the essentials. Dinettes. Complete bedroom groups. Convenient credit, even though we've been turned down in the past.”
“We hoped you enjoyed our entertainment ladies and gentlemen, that's all we have for you tonight... oh... one thing I almost forgot, someone asked me a request. Would I sing the Polish national anthem... anyone know it? You know it? Well, no matter. It'll be obsolete by Christmas anyway, like the Jews.”
“- Grandpa Fred: Creature what is it that you want?
- Brain Gremlin: Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.
- Grandpa Fred: Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?
- Brain Gremlin: The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners,...” (continue)(continue reading)