“American Wedding” quotes

Movie American Wedding
Title American Wedding
Year 2003
Director Jesse Dylan
Genre Comedy, Romance
Plot – Jim and Michelle are getting married and their friends are getting ready for the event. Steve Stifler immediately notices the bridesmaid Cadence, the attractive younger sister of the bride. Jim tries to keep him quiet because he wants to make a good impression on the future parents-in-law, Harold and Mary. Obviously, a wild bachelor party is needed.
All actors – Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, January Jones, Eugene Levy, Molly Cheek, Deborah Rush, Fred Willard, Angela Paton, Eric Allan Kramer, Amanda Swisten, Nikki Ziering, Lawrence Pressman, Antoinette Spolar, Alexis Thorpe, Reynaldo Gallegos, Kate Hendrickson, Rob Nagle, Corinne Reilly, Loren Lester, Justin Isfeld, John Cho, James Reese, Michael Coleman, Patrick Gallo, Golde Starger, Max Goudsmit, Logan Bartholomew, Neal Flaherty, Jennifer Coolidge, Julie Payne, Peter Reinert, Peter Gaddis, Chris Bender, Tony Gatto, Willam Belli, Ryan Rubin, Brad Hammer, Frank Roessler
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  • “- Stifler's Mom: You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy.
    - Paul Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
    - Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
    - Paul Finch: And the car.
    - Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...
    - Paul Finch: Oh, man. Let's go!”

    Jennifer Coolidge - Stifler's Mom
    Eddie Kaye Thomas - Paul Finch
    [Tag:home, sex]
  • “Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand?
    [hits Finch in the groin]

    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
  • “- Paul Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people.
    - Steve Stifler: They're gay?
    - Paul Finch: No, you bleating imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated.
    - Steve Stifler: So, they're gay.”

    Eddie Kaye Thomas - Paul Finch
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
  • “- Michelle Flaherty: So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma?
    - Paul Finch: I'll frame it. Then I'll write my memoirs.”

    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
    Eddie Kaye Thomas - Paul Finch
  • “- Jim's Dad: We can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
    - Michelle Flaherty: Oh, you've never tried it?
    - Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.”

    Eugene Levy - Jim's Dad
    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
    [Tag:sex, time]
  • - Jim Levenstein: Maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think... I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
    - Michelle Flaherty: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.

    Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
  • “- Steve Stifler: Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar'.
    - Jim Levenstein: I put serious thought into that letter.”

    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
    [Tag:dancing, letters]
  • “- Cadence Flaherty: So, can I see the ring?
    - Steve Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket.
    - Cadence Flaherty: Okay, Frodo.”

    January Jones - Cadence Flaherty
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    [Tag:jewels, safety]
  • “Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.”
    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
    [Tag:genitalia, love]
  • - Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
    - Michelle Flaherty: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
    - Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when... when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
    - Michelle Flaherty: Horny, like I wanna bone.

    Eugene Levy - Jim's Dad
    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
  • “- Steve Stifler: Observe the fuckin' Stifmeister, what is his defining characteristic?
    - Jim Levenstein: He uses the F-word excessively?
    - Steve Stifler: [grins] Thanks man.”

    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
  • “- Michelle Flaherty: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?
    - Jim Levenstein: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?
    - Michelle Flaherty: I'm still a nympho.
    - Jim Levenstein: Well, I'm still a perv.”

    Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty
    Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
  • “Jim's getting married, isn't he? Holy fuckin' shit! This is major! Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes! We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass.”
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    [Tag:marriage, parties]
  • “- Kevin Myers: You're a hero.
    - Steve Stifler: Pussy is pussy.”

    Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin Myers
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    [Tag:heroes, old age, sex]
  • “It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out.”
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
  • “- Steve Stifler: Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school.
    - Jim Levenstein: You what?
    - Steve Stifler: Oh! Oh! The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying.”

    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler
    Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
    [Tag:helping, marriage]
  • “My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls.”
    Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler