“Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” quotes

Movie Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Title Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Year 2008
Directors Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg
Genre Comedy, Adventure
Interpreted by
Plot – Harold and Kumar fly to Amsterdam and during the flight they smoke a bong, making everyone think they are two dangerous terrorists. Harold and Kumar are arrested and sent to the infamous Guantanamo prison, but through a series of surreal events the two manage to escape. On the way, they stumble on a mutant, on a Ku Klux Klan raid, on a naked woman and on Neil Patrick Harris, arriving finally at George W. Bush's ranch.
All actors – John Cho, Kal Penn, Rob Corddry, Jack Conley, Roger Bart, Neil Patrick Harris, Danneel Ackles, Eric Winter, Paula Garcés, Jon Reep, Missi Pyle, Mark Munoz
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  • “- Ron Fox: You see this cute little white girl, Beecher?
    - Dr. Beecher: Yeah.
    - Ron Fox: Do you want her to get raped and murdered?
    - Dr. Beecher: Of course not.
    - Ron Fox: You sure? Cause this is America. Do you want to rape America?
    - Dr. Beecher: No.
    - Ron Fox: Then stop fucking with me!”

    Rob Corrdry - Ron Fox
    Rogert Bart - Dr. Beecher
  • “- Harold Lee: Why does everything has to be a huge argument with you, man?
    - Kumar Patel: Because this is America, dude, and as long as I have my freedom of speech no one's going to shut me up.”

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
  • “- Kumar Patel: So you get high and you put other people who smokeweed in jail?
    - George W. Bush: Duh!
    - Kumar Patel: That's so hypocritical!”

    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    James Adomian - George W. Bush
    [Tag:drugs, hypocrisy]
  • - Neil Patrick Harris: What's your name, miss?
    - Tits Hemmingway: Tits Hemmingway.
    - Neil Patrick Harris: Why do they call you that?
    - Tits Hemmingway: Beacause I have huge tits, and my favourite book is "A Moveable Feast".

    Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris
    Echo Valley - Tits Hemmingway
  • “If you want to know the secret of being, you'll come with us.”

    Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris
  • “That looks like Osama Bin Laden's beard!”

    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
  • “- Kumar Patel: What are you doing here, man?
    - Neil Patrick Harris: This is where God took me.”

    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris
    [Tag:destiny, god]
  • “- Harold Lee: We're stealing his car! We can't leave him back there!
    - Kumar Patel: He stole your fucking car last week!”

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    [Tag:cars, thieves]
  • “- George W. Bush: Let me ask you something, Kumar, do you like giving hand jobs?
    - Kumar Patel: No sir.
    - George W. Bush: Do you like gettin' hand jobs?
    - Kumar Patel: Heh, yeah.
    - George W. Bush: Yeah well, that makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too, so shut the fuck up! Now smoke my weed.”

    James Adomian - George W. Bush
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
  • “Are people like you that make the world think that Americans are stupid! I'm not stupid! I'm not gonna take this shit anymore!”

    Rogert Bart - Dr. Beecher
  • “- Kumar Patel: Are all the guards in Guantanamo Bay gay?
    - Big Bob: Fuck no! There ain't nothing gay about getting your dick sucked! You're the ones that're gay for sucking my dick!”

    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    Randal Reeder - Big Bob
  • “- Kumar Patel: Harold Lee, I'd like to introduce you to an invention of mine... meet the smokeless bong.
    - Harold Lee: You made this?
    - Kumar Patel: You know I did. When you were slaving away at work, I was actually being a productive member of society.”

    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    John Cho - Harold Lee
  • “- Harold Lee: There's exposed vagina all over your house.
    - Raza: Oh, yeah, that was my idea. I don't know about you guys, I'm sick of all the hype over topless.
    - Harold Lee: Really? I always liked topless.
    - Raza: Yeah, well I'm starting the bottomless trend! Hence the bottomless party.”

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Amir Talai - Raza
    [Tag:boredom, luxury]
  • - Harold Lee: It's because of assholes like you that we're even in this fucking place - fucking cowards!
    - Terrorist 1: Well maybe if the people in your country stopped eating "doughnuts" and started realizing what their government is doing to the world, "assholes" like us wouldn't exist!

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Anand Vadehra - Terrorist 1
  • “- Harold Lee: Can we have the right to make a phone call?
    - Ron Fox: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. You want rights now. You want freedoms. Right now. Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?”

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Rob Corrdry - Ron Fox
  • “- Harold Lee: In less than eight hours we're gonna be in Amsterdam. This is nuts. This is nuts!
    - Kumar Patel: I know, dude. It's gonna be exactly like Eurotrip only it's not going to suck. It's going to be awesome.”

    John Cho - Harold Lee
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    [Tag:travel, traveling]
  • “You guys wanna hear something fucked up and awesome? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!”
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
  • “- Vanessa: You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and like stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
    - Kumar Patel: First of all, that was Goldstein's idea, and second of all, had I known that the monkey had AIDS, I never would've done that.”

    Danneel Ackles - Vanessa
    Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
    [Tag:jest, mistake]
  • “I'm in the government and I don't even trust it. You don't have to believe in your government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country.”
    James Adomian - George W. Bush