“Joe Dirt” quotes

Movie Joe Dirt
Title Joe Dirt
Year 2001
Director Dennie Gordon
Genre Drama, Comedy, Adventure
Plot – Joe Dirt is a middle-aged man with peculiar hair and a quite sad story: abandoned by his parents when he was eight, he is obsessed with the idea of finding them, even only to tell them his life. Anyway, he tells it to many more viewers from the recording room of a radio program, instead. During his desperate search of his family, Joe is in fact "discovered" by a famous disc jockey.
All actors – David Spade, Brittany Daniel, Dennis Miller, Adam Beach, Christopher Walken, Jaime Pressly, Kid Rock, Erik Per Sullivan, Megan Taylor Harvey, Caroline Aaron, Fred Ward, John Farley
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  • “- Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealin' with a deadly alligator. And yes, they are deadly, don't kid yaself. Rule number one, I'm number one. Ya hear that, I like ta kid around. Rule two, the croc's number two. Now before I begin...
    - Kid at Gator Farm: Hey, what's rule three?
    - Joe Dirt: What's that? Kid, give me a break now.
    - Kid at...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    [Tag:animals, danger, rules]
  • “Well I didn't know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it's not my fault. And she's one of the hottest girls on the planet.
    [turns to a mirror]
    You just said your sister's hot! What a freak! You're goin' to hell man!
    [turns away from the mirror]
    I gotta tell her what happened, why I got weird. And for god sakes, I gotta treat her like a...” (continue)
    (continue reading)

    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    [Tag:kiss, sex, sin]
  • “- Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air.
    - Zeke: That's it. You and me, let's go.
    - Joe Dirt: You know I'd love to beat your ass all up and down this place but I gotta go back to work.
    - Oil Rig Boss: Joe Dirt, your fired. Here's your week's pay.
    - Joe Dirt: Dang.”

    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    Lee Walker - Zeke
    Gordon Michaels - Oil Rig Boss
    [Tag:fighting, job]
  • “- Little Joe Dirt: Can I push him off me?
    - Joe Dirt's Foster Mother: He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.”

    Erik Per Sullivan - Little Joe Dirt
    Kathleen Freeman - Joe Dirt's Foster Mother
    [Tag:dogs, sex]
  • “- Meteor Bert: Well, it ain't a meteor.
    - Joe Dirt: Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.
    - Meteor Bert: Well I'm sure it did but it ain't no meteor. It's a big ol' frozen chunk o' shit.
    - Joe Dirt: What?
    - Meteor Bert: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call 'em Boeing bombs.”

    Hamilton Camp - Meteor Bert
    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    [Tag:shit, space]
  • “- Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
    - Joe Dirt: Are you nuts dude? You need stuff that'll explode. Go boom!
    - Kicking Wing: Why is that good?
    - Joe Dirt: Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick 'em in mailboxes, you...” (continue)
    (continue reading)

    Adam Beach - Kicking Wing
    David Spade - Joe Dirt
  • “- Joe Dirt: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
    - Jill: Sure will. Do you wanna go back to my place?
    - Joe Dirt: Sure do.”

    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    Jaime Pressly - Jill
    [Tag:beauty, body, sex]
  • “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the Moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.”

    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    [Tag:feeling, moon]
  • “- Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
    - Joe Dirt: What?
    - Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
    - Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?”

    Blake Clark - Old Cajun Man
    David Spade - Joe Dirt
  • “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice... oh no, killer mustard gas!”

    Eric Marquette - Chemistry Student
  • “You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!”

    Christopher Walken - Clem
  • “Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.”

    David Spade - Joe Dirt
  • “Life's a garden, dig it.”
    David Spade - Joe Dirt
    [Tag:garden, life]