“Amazon Women on the Moon” quotes

Movie Amazon Women on the Moon
Joe Dante directed this movie in 1987
Title Amazon Women on the Moon
Year 1987
Directors Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, John Landis, Robert K. Weiss
Genre Sci-Fi, Comedy
Plot – An old man ends up in television where he's thrown from a program to another and he cannot come back home. A guy is harassed and killed by his appliances. A mother wants to hug her baby but she has to struggle against an eccentric doctor. A playboy is discredited in front of some girls. The son of the ''Invisible Man" is arrested because he wanders naked. Henry Silva talks about the possibility that Jack the Ripper was actually the monster of Loch Ness. A commercial exalts a special type of carpet that can be used on the skulls of bald. A very young boy tries to buy a condom with great embarrassment. A guy purchases a porn tape and when he tries to watch it, he's involved in the erotic performance. In the end some astronauts return to Earth with a beautiful Amazon woman while the Moon bursts.
All actors – Arsenio Hall, Donald F. Muhich, Monique Gabrielle, Lou Jacobi, Erica Yohn, Debby Davison, Rob Krausz, Phil Hartman, Corey Burton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Peter Horton, Griffin Dunne
show all
  • I'm sorry, I better wrap it up now, folks. 'Cause you know the old axiom in show business - "get off quick". Like Harvey on his wedding night.

    Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor
    [Tag:cheating, sex]
  • I was asked to say a couple of words about Harvey. How about "ugly" and "cheap"? Harvey wrote his will on his cock, and his lawyer said it would not stand up in court.

    Slappy White - himself
  • “Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Why do Jewish guys die before their wives? They want to.”
    Henny Youngman - Henny Youngman
    [Tag:divorce, jews]
  • “Being invisible is the best.”
    Ed Begley Jr. - Son of the Invisible Man
  • “In conclusion, I'd like to say congratulations, Harvey. Rigor mortis is the closest you've ever come to a hard-on in 15 years.”

    Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor
    [Tag:death, sex]
  • “I have grown so much since then. I can't hardly believe it's me. I am a beach person and a night person. I'm really sorry for everybody who doesn't live in California, because we got it all, the mountains, the sun. And, like, there's no humidity, it really blows me away.”
    Monique Gabrielle - Taryn Steele
  • “- Butch: What's she looking at? She acts like she's never seen a man before.
    - Queen Lara: She hasn't. Have you, Alpha-Beta?
    - Alpha Beta: No, My Queen. What are men good for?
    - Butch: I'm pretty good in the backseat of a Studebaker...”

    Joey Travolta - Butch
    Sybil Danning - Queen Lara
    Lana Clarkson - Alpha Beta
    [Tag:men, sex]
  • “I do feel for his widow, Bernice. That was a romantic marriage. She learned everything about sex from a manual. Immanuel was their gardener.”

    Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor
    [Tag:marriage, sex]
  • “- Brenda Landers: You lost our son?
    - Doctor: Did I say lost? I said misplaced.
    - Harry Landers: I'm suing you for malpractice, negligence, you name it!
    - Doctor: Oh great! Just jump all over me, why don't you! Just jump all over me! What about the 9 kids I didn't lose this week?”

    Michelle Pfeiffer - Brenda Landers
    Griffin Dunne - Doctor
    Peter Horton - Harry Landers
  • “I'm glad to see Slappy White here today. Now at least I know my hubcaps are safe. And Rip Taylor, is that a toupee, or did a beaver curl up and die on your head? As I look at Henny Youngman today, I'm not so sure we're burying the right guy.”
    Belinda Balaski - Bernice Pitnik
    [Tag:hair, scorn]
  • “Safety and good mileage are the two things I looked for in a new car. That's why I bought a Volvo stationwagon.”
    Le Tari - Pimp
    [Tag:cars, safety]
  • “What's this, an audience or a funeral? Now, pay attention, please. But I'm a little nervous because Harvey was a personal friend of mine, and there's not a person in this room that Harvey Pitnik did not touch. I must say, he touched me for 40 bucks and Steve for 20.”

    Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor