“I guess I would have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter, and I just figured if you're going to follow in someone's footsteps, who better than Christ?”
“Meet The Parents” quotes(2000)
Plot – Greg Focker is madly in love with his girlfriend Pam and he is ready to take the plunge. However, a phone call announcing the wedding of Pam’s younger sister forces him to postpone his proposal. Then Greg realizes that to get the girl's hand he has first to gain the confidence of her incredible father, Jack Byrnes. The trip to New York for the wedding of Pam's sister seems to be the best opportunity to propose properly, but things don’t get well. When he arrives at the Byrnes’ house, Greg finds a way too much perfect family: husband and wife get on well together, their three sons are crazy about them and there is even a cat that everyone adores. For a guy like Greg, used to avail himself of a biting sense of humor and sarcasm to fight nervousness, it is not exactly the ideal situation. Soon he has to face Jack, a retired horticulturist, convinced that no man is clever enough to marry her eldest daughter. Moreover Greg is a nurse, an enemy of cats and he has also a name that sounds rather vulgar: things go wrong from the start.
All actors – Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner, Nicole DeHuff, Jon Abrahams, Owen Wilson, James Rebhorn, Thomas McCarthy, Phyllis George, Kali Rocha, Bernie Sheredy, Judah Friedlander, Peter Bartlett, John Elsen, Mark Hammer, Amy Hohn, William Severs, John Fiore, Marilyn Dobrin, Marci Reid, Frank Santorelli, Russell Hornsby, Patricia Cook, Cody Arens, Cole Hawkins, Spencer Breslin, Ina Rosenthal, Kim Rideout, Kresh Novakovic, John Joseph Gallagher, G.A. Aguilar, Lynn Ann Castle, Robbie Bryan, Phillip V. Caruso, Alan Francis, Jon M. McDonnell, Erik-Anders Nilsson, Buzz Visconti, Todd Wallshow all
“Meet The Parents” Quotes 19 quotes
“- Dina Byrnes: I had no idea you could milk a cat!
- Greg Focker: Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples.
- Jack Byrnes: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?”
- Greg Focker: Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh?
- Jack Byrnes: What do you mean?
- Greg Focker: You know, the whole drug thing?
- Jack Byrnes: No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
- Greg Focker: Some people think that to "Puff the Magic Dragon" means to... they're really, uh... to smoke... to smoke... a marijuana... (continue) (continue reading)
“- Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
- Greg Focker: Okay you know what, take your scrubby little paws off my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
- Flight Attendant: Sir...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Greg Focker: Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up.
- Jack Byrnes: [long pause] He can't lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength and opposable thumbs.”
“- Greg Focker: O dear God, thank You. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle... and accommodating God. And we thank You, oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts... for the... smorgasbord... You have so aptly lain at our table this day... and each day... by day. Day by day by day. Oh dear Lord, three things we pray. To love Thee more dearly. To...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Jack Byrnes: I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood?
- Greg Focker: Of course, yeah.
- Jack Byrnes: Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.”
“- Norm the Interrogator: I got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
- Greg Focker: I was not threatening her. I was just trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing...
- Norm the Interrogator: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her with a bomb.
- Greg Focker: No, I said I didn't have a bomb.
- Norm...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
- Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
- Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
- Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
- Jack Byrnes: Well,...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Jack Byrnes: Greg, how come you don't like cats?
- Greg Focker: I don't like cats. I-I just - I just prefer dogs. I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of, you know. Come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of...
- Jack Byrnes: You need that assurance, do you? You prefer an emotionally shallow animal?
- Greg Focker: I...
-...” (continue) (continue reading)
- Pam Byrnes: Greg, my father was never in the rare flower business. That was just his cover. He was in the C.I.A. for 34 years.
- Greg Focker: How could you not tell me this?
- Pam Byrnes: I wanted to, honey, but it was strictly on a "need-to-know" basis.
- Greg Focker: So, what? He's in the C.I.A.? He was a spy? He is a spy?
- Pam Byrnes: No,... (continue) (continue reading)
“- Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.
- Dina Byrnes: What?
- Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.
- Dina Byrnes: Martha... Oh, no.
- Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker.”
“- Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
- Dr. Bob Banks: What field?
- Greg Focker: Nursing.
- Dr. Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
- Greg Focker: Nursing.”
“- Pam Byrnes: Take it easy on the sarcasm. Humor is entirely wasted on my parents.
- Greg Focker: What are they... Amish?”
“- Jack Byrnes: Do you want to marry her?
[Greg Focker says nothing]
- Jack Byrnes: Do you want to marry her?
- Greg Focker: I did, till I met you.”