“Switch” quotes

Movie Switch
Blake Edwards directed this movie in 1991
Title Switch
Year 1991
Director Blake Edwards
Genre Comedy, Fantasy
Plot – Steve Brooks is used to treat his girlfriends as simple pastimes and to avenge themselves, the girls kill him. In the afterlife, Steve is proposed to return to earth to find at least one person who loves him to avoid hell, but he will do that reincarneted in a woman's body. He calls himself Amanda and pretends to be Steve's sister and works in his previous office. She receives many advances by her colleagues. One night, she gets drunk and spends the night with Walter. When Amanda learns to be pregnant, at first she rejects the idea, then she gives birth to a child. Amanda can finally die and go to heaven.
All actors – Ellen Barkin, Jimmy Smits, JoBeth Williams, Lorraine Bracco, Tony Roberts, Perry King, Bruce Payne, Lysette Anthony, Victoria Mahoney, Basil Hoffman, Catherine Keener, Kevin Kilner, David Wohl, James Harper, John Lafayette, Jim J. Bullock, Diana Chisney, Joe Flood, Emma Walton Hamilton, Louis Eppolito, Yvette Freeman, Dennis Paladino, Téa Leoni, Rick Aiello, F. William Parker, Ben Hartigan, David Gale, Jessie Jones, Herb Tanney, Virginia Morris, Robert Clotworthy, Patricia Clipper, Robert Elias, Michelle Wong, Marti Muller, Mindy Lawson, Kimberly Oja, Teri Gold, Lily Mariye, William Shockley, Jennie Nauman, Annette Quinn, Dena Burton, Michelle Reese, Alana Silvani, Jacki Moen, Karen Medak, Tracy Lambert, Taunie Vrenon, Michael Badalucco, Gregory J. Barnett, Fred Lerner, Jay R. Goldenberg, Faith Minton, Rebecca Wood, Linda Dona, Helena Apothaker, Elena Statheros, Jim Lovelett, Barbara Schillaci, Robert Towers, Tony Genaro, Ross Brittain, Richard Provost, Linda Gary, Molly Okuneff, Lenny Citrano, Ryal Haakenson, Bob Murphy
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  • “- Amanda Brooks: You look like shit, pal.
    - Walter Stone: You don't look too good yourself. You all right? You're red. Got a fever or something.
    - Amanda Brooks: Probably too much rouge. Got to be a fucking Rembrandt to put on makeup.”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone
  • “- Margo Brofman: We still hate you.
    - Felicia: We decided you should be punished for the way you treat women.
    - Liz: Oh, yeah, men like you just have to be stopped.
    - Steve Brooks: And how are you going to stop me?
    - Margo Brofman: We're going to kill you.”

    JoBeth Williams - Margo Brofman
    Victoria Mahoney - Felicia
    Lysette Anthony - Liz
    Perry King - Steve Brooks
  • “Being a woman it's not half bad. It's being both that is the bitch.”

    Perry King - Steve Brooks
    [Tag:men, women]
  • “- Amanda Brooks: What adjective would you say best describes him?
    - Arnold's Secretary Denise: Asshole.
    - Amanda Brooks: That could also be a noun.
    - Arnold's Secretary Denise: Major asshole.”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Jessie Jones - Arnold's Secretary
  • “- Amanda Brooks: Jeez, did you check out that ass? Boy, how'd you like to give her a punch in the pants, huh, Walt?
    - Walter Stone: Oh, no, you're not gay are you?
    - Amanda Brooks: Pal, if I'm gay, Clint Eastwood is a transvestite.”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone
  • “- The Devil: You want to hedge your bet with me? Make eternity a little less hellish.
    - Amanda Brooks: What did you have in mind?
    - The Devil: Did you see Rosemary's Baby?
    - Amanda Brooks: Yeah. What? No, no, I can't! See, I'm expecting my period. I can't. I can't.”

    Bruce Payne - The Devil
    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
  • “- The Devil: Make it impossible for him to work his macho machinations onto any more unsuspecting female.
    - God: And how do I do that?
    - The Devil: Easy. Make him a woman.”

    Bruce Payne - The Devil
    Richard Provost - God
    [Tag:flirting, men, women]
  • - Amanda Brooks: Walt, checkout the headlights on the blonde. How'd you like to play "hide the salami" with that for about a week? Ugh, but not me Walt, you. What, you don't think that's a perfectly legitimate question?
    - Walter Stone: Coming from a guy, maybe.

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone
    [Tag:questions, sex, women]
  • “- God: I sent him back. If he can't find one female who likes him, then his soul is yours.
    - The Devil: Well, that's not a fair test. He'll pick some helpless, unsuspecting female, pretend to be everything he's not. In the end, she'll adore him. And you'll be honor abound to admit an unregenerate debaucher into Heaven.”

    Richard Provost - God
    Bruce Payne - The Devil
  • “- Steve Brooks: It's kinda hard for me to believe that there aren't at least a couple of woman...
    - God: Right now, I'll settle for one. So I've decided that you should go back and try to find one female who truly likes Steve Brooks. If you find her, you go to Heaven. If you don't, you will spend eternity in Hell.”

    Perry King - Steve Brooks
    Richard Provost - God
    [Tag:chance, hatred, women]
  • “- Amanda Brooks: I lost my virginity.
    - Margo Brofman: Obviously without your consent.
    - Amanda Brooks: I passed out; I don't remember anything.
    - Margo Brofman: Who's the unlucky man?”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    JoBeth Williams - Margo Brofman
  • “- Amanda Brooks: Being a woman had its advantages.
    - God: Definitely.
    - Amanda Brooks: Can I think about just a little longer?
    - God, God: Take your time. You have all eternity.”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Richard Provost - God
  • “- God: You've earned enough credits to get you into Heaven.
    - Steve Brooks: Oh, thank God.
    - God, God: You're welcome.”

    Richard Provost - God
    Perry King - Steve Brooks
    [Tag:gratitude, heaven]
  • “- The Devil: You hate being a woman, right?
    - Amanda Brooks: Well...
    - The Devil: There's no fun in PMS or shaving your legs. And what do have to look forward to? Guys like you used to be always trying to get into your pants. Cellulite, menopause.”

    Bruce Payne - The Devil
    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    [Tag:problems, women]
  • “- Amanda Brooks: We're looking for Steve, we don't know where he went. He said he was gonna chuck it all, like Gauguin.
    - Dream Girl: Who?
    - Walter Stone: Gauguin. He's an artist who went to Tahiti.
    - Dream Girl: I thought you said you didn't know where he went.”

    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    Téa Leoni - Dream Girl
    Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone
    [Tag:artist, seeking]
  • “- God: You have to decide whether you want to be male or a female angel.
    - Amanda Brooks: Oh, hey, now, that's a tough one. Okay if I think about it for a while?”

    Richard Provost - God
    Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
    [Tag:angels, choice, gender]