Kumail Nanjiani movie quotes

“- Kumail: What's my stance on 9/11? Oh um, anti. It was a tragedy, I mean we lost 19 of our best guys.
- Beth: Huh?
- Kumail: That was a joke, obviously. 9/11 was a terrible tragedy. And it's not funny to joke about it.”
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail
Holly Hunter - Beth

“You can go slow. Allow your dreams and goals to change, but live an intentional life.”
Kumail Nanjiani

“Nobody really knows what they're doing. Some are just better at pretending like they do.”
Kumail Nanjiani

“Being a fish out of water is tough, but that's how you evolve.”
Kumail Nanjiani

“- Stu: Do you remember that part of NeverEnding Story where Atreyu walks through the oracle gates and those guys, big statue things, can see a warrior's true internal nature and that super scary knight just vaporizes because deep down he doesn't believe in himself?
- Vic: Yeah?”
Kumail Nanjiani - Stu
Dave Bautista - Vic Manning

“- Stu: He's the second worst guy I've ever met.
- Vic: Who's the first?
- Stu: I'll give you a hint. It's you.”

Kumail Nanjiani - Stu
Dave Bautista - Vic Manning

“- Emily: I feel good about the surgery.
- Kumail: Yeah. Me, too. These doctors know what they're doing.
- Emily: No, they don't. They're just winging it like everybody else.”
Zoe Kazan - Emily
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail

“- Nicole: So, how do you know my dad?
- Stu: He kidnapped me. We killed some people.
- Nicole: Huh.”
Natalie Morales - Nicole
Kumail Nanjiani - Stu

“Wow... what other racist stereotypes can you do?”

Kumail Nanjiani - Stu

“- Vic: You've got brass balls.
- Stu: Don't talk about my balls!
- Vic: It's me and you.
- Stu: Leave my balls out of it!
- Vic: We're a team buddy.”
Dave Bautista - Vic Manning
Kumail Nanjiani - Stu

“- Agent H: You've never been in love, have you? I'm not making fun. I'm genuinely asking. You've never once abandoned logic for passion?
- Agent M: Heh. No, I haven't. Passion is unstable, and logic is constant. Yeah. Physical attraction is nothing more than chemical reactions in your brain. Can't trust them. They're not real.
- Agent H: Isn't...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Hemsworth - Agent H
Tessa Thompson - Agent M
Kumail Nanjiani - Pawny

- Kumail: Okay, that's a common misconception. Yelling anything at a comedian is considered heckling. Heckling doesn't have to be negative.
- Emily: So, if I... if I yelled out like... "You're amazing in bed", that'd be a heckle?
- Kumail: Yeah. It would be an accurate heckle.
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail
Zoe Kazan - Emily

“- Sharmeen: I was so worried. We saw on the news that a train derailed, and we thought that you were on the train, and you had died.
- Kumail: Nobody died on that train, ma.
- Sharmeen: But did they look under the train?”
Zenobia Shroff - Sharmeen
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail

“- Kumail: So... to fully know I love someone, I have to cheat on them?
- Terry: Out loud, it sounds stupid. Eh, it's... yeah, that's terrible advice.”
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail
Ray Romano - Terry

“- Terry: Love isn't easy. That's why they call it love.
- Kumail: I don't really get that either.
- Terry: I know. I thought I could just start saying something, and something smart would come out.”
Ray Romano - Terry
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail

“- Emily: Were you available for rides while we were fucking?
- Kumail: Yeah, but I only looked a couple of times.”
Zoe Kazan - Emily
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail