“Kingpin” quotes

Movie Kingpin
Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly directed this movie in 1996
Title Kingpin
Year 1996
Directors Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Genre Comedy, Sport
Plot – Roy is a crook at the bowling alley, while Ishmael is an Amish player with no rivals. A championship with a two million dollars reward puts the two men against Claudia, a professional swindler too.
All actors – Woody Harrelson, Randy Quaid, Vanessa Angel, Bill Murray, Chris Elliott, William Jordan, Richard Tyson, Lin Shaye, Zen Gesner, Prudence Wright Holmes, Rob Moran, Daniel Greene
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  • “Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.”
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
  • “- Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have?
    - Roy: None that I know of. I mean, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy.”

    William Jordan - Mr. Boorg
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
  • “I didn't want to be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn't have more than 6 or 7 children!”
    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
    [Tag:irony, women]
  • “What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.”
    Lin Shaye - Landlady
    [Tag:compliments, sex]
  • “Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?”
    Bill Murray - Ernie McCracken
  • “- Roy: Hey, Herbie! How's life?
    - Scranton Wino: Taking forever.”

    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    Herbie Flynn - Scranton Wino
  • “Pressure? Yeah there was some pressure, I mean I didn't wanna lose to a guy with a hook.”

    Bill Murray - Ernie McCracken
    [Tag:fear, losing, sarcasm]
  • “- Roy: Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
    - Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
    - Roy: Yeah, well he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a hint what it is. It's round, has three holes, and you put your fingers into it.
    - Ishmael: You leave Rebecca out of this.”

    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
  • - Ishmael: Whatcha doin', Mr. Munson?
    - Roy: Flossin'.
    - Ishmael: Flossin? Where the hell did I get "Munson"?
    - Roy: The name's Munson, what I'm doin' is flossin'.

    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
  • “- Ernie McCracken: Oh, creepy! I'm sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?
    - Roy: You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what I'd say to you if I ever ran into you again.
    - Ernie McCracken: I bet!”

    Bill Murray - Ernie McCracken
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
  • “- Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so bombed.
    - McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
    - Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.”

    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
    Sean Gildea - McKnight Bowl Bartender
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    [Tag:drugs, gambling]
  • “- Ishmael: Mr. Munson, you all right?
    - Roy: Ish, uh, what happened in there?
    - Ishmael: Well, I don't know. Um, I thought I played pretty good. Uh, he's just a little better than me, that's all.
    - Roy: Pretty good, huh? 186. You lost to a club player! What - that's not supposed to happen! You're carrying a 270 average!
    - Ishmael: Wh-wh-wh-what...” (continue)
    (continue reading)

    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    [Tag:losing, sarcasm]
  • “Who you calling a psycho?”

    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
  • “It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.”
    Bill Murray - Ernie McCracken
    [Tag:breast, irony]
  • “- Claudia: It must be hard to spank your monkey.
    - Ishmael: You have a monkey?”

    Vanessa Angel - Claudia
    Randy Quaid - Ishmael
  • “- Roy: Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one. Then, POW, all at once.
    - [Takes a drink from the bucket]
    - Mr. Boorg: We don't have a cow. We have a bull.
    - Roy: I'll brush my teeth.”

    [Tag:cow, mistake]
  • “- Roy: Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.
    - Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.
    - Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?”

    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    Vanessa Angel - Claudia
  • “- Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
    - Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
    - Roy: And you call...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    Googy Gress - Lancaster Bowl Manager
  • “- Roy: I know what you're thinking, but let me explain...
    [Claudia kicks Roy in the crotch]
    - Roy: [very softly] Mommy. You must have a really wide foot because you got both of them”

    Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson
    [Tag:feet, pain]