- Movie quotes
- Horse Feathers
“Horse Feathers” quotes
Title Horse Feathers
Norman Z. McLeod
Plot – Groucho is elected dean of Huxley College, whose football team hasn't won the championship for a long time. Actually his purpose is to take his son back to school, seduced by an attractive widow. To revive the team's fortunes, Groucho hires by mistake a dog catcher and a bartender and the university life will be extremely shaken by these characters. Absurd but refined, messy but theoretical: the Marx Brothers' humor gives some brilliant gags to this movie. Furthermore, it's full of verbal, musical and hilarious numbers.
All actors – Brothers The Marx, Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx, Zeppo Marx, Thelma Todd, David Landau, Bobby Barber, Reginald Barlow, Vince Barnett, Sheila Bromley, E.H. Calvert
“- Frank Wagstaff: Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son.
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: My boy, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm ashamed to be your father. You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible.”
“- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.
- Professor in Wagstaff's Study: But, Professor, where will the students sleep?
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Where they always sleep: in the classroom.”
“- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: How much do we owe you?
- Baravelli: Two thousand dollars.
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.”
“- Retiring Collage President: Professor Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes...
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Oh, is that what I stepped in? I wondered what it was. If these are your shoes, the least you can do is have them cleaned.”
“- Frank Wagstaff: You're talking to the wrong team.
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me!”
“- Referee: What are you doing with that cigar in your mouth?
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Why? Do you know another way to smoke it?”
“Do you realize what happens if we lose? It means shame! Disgrace! Humiliation! And besides, you're crazy if you don't play the ace!”
“As you grow older, you'll find you can't burn the candle at both ends.
[Pinky pulls out a candle burning at both ends]
Well, I was wrong. I knew there was something you couldn't burn at both ends. I thought it was a candle. However, you must be punished. Just for that.”
“- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Baravelli, is this your picture?
- Baravelli: I don't think so. It no look like me.”
“Listen you bunch of butterfingered milk saps! The way you're playing you couldn't beat a girl's basketball team. We've gotta win this game! You understand?”
“- Frank Wagstaff: Dad wants me to give you up. You know, you're interfering with my studies.
- Connie Bailey: He must think I'm terrible.
- Frank Wagstaff: But I think you're wonderful. You're beautiful.”
“- Biology Professor Giving Lecture: The liver if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis. Of course, you are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis.
- Baravelli: Sure. Cirrhosis are red; so violets are blue; so sugar is sweet; so, so are you.”
“- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: Have you ever had any experience as a kidnapper?
- Baravelli: You bet. You know what I do when I kidnap somebody? First I call them up on the telephone, then I send them my chauffeur.”
“- Professor: The trustees have a few suggestions they would like to submit to you.
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions.”
“- Frank Wagstaff: There's nothing wrong between me and the college widow.
- Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff: There isn't, huh? Then you're crazy to fool around with her!”
“Baravelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”
“I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.”