“Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid” quotes

Movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Carl Reiner directed this movie in 1982
Title Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Year 1982
Director Carl Reiner
Genre Comedy, Crime, Thriller, Mystery
Plot – Detective Rigby Reardon is commissioned by Julie Forrest to shed light on the accidental death of his father, a cheese lover scientist. Philip Marlowe helps investigating as he is an experienced and well-known private detective. After various adventures, injuries and attempted murders, Rigby travels to Carlotta, a town in South America. There he discovers a group of former followers of Hitler is plotting to destroy half of humanity. They have kidnapped Julie's father and have forced him to develop a deadly weapon from moldy cheese. Rigby, helped by a local police officer, manages to free the scientist, foils the plot and arrests the Germans. Then he surrenders to the love of Julie.
All actors – Steve Martin, Rachel Ward, Alan Ladd, Carl Reiner, Barbara Stanwyck, Ray Milland, Ava Gardner, Burt Lancaster, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Veronica Lake
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  • “All dames are alike: they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on it with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and they cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and they serve it to you. And they expect...” (continue)(continue reading)
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
  • “- Rigby Reardon: Are you all right, Carlos?
    - Carlos Rodriguez: It's all right. It's just a bullet. My wife Carmelita will suck it out.”

    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    Reni Santoni - Carlos Rodriguez
  • “Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
  • “That's one thing I've learned about clients. Dead ones don't pay their bills.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:death, debt]
  • “I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:breast, girl, murder]
  • “Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:dancing, flirting]
  • “- Rigby Reardon: If you want me to investigate your father's death, I get ten dollars a day, plus expenses.
    - Juliet Forrest: Will two hundred dollars be enough in advance, Mr Reardon?
    - Rigby Reardon: Two hundred, I'd shoot my grandmother.
    - Juliet Forrest: That won't be neccessary.
    - Rigby Reardon: Never can tell. In my last case, I had to...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
  • “- Juliet Forrest: What are you doing?
    - Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they... shifted all outta whack. There.
    - Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
    - Rigby Reardon: You're welcome.”

    Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
  • - Juliette Forrest: What does "foc" mean?
    - Rigby Reardon: It's a slang word. It's when a man and a woman are in love, the man puts his...
    - Juliette Forrest: No, no. It's written here: "F. O. C.".

    Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
  • “When I arrived in Carlotta, I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me over fifteen years ago: Dead men don't wear plaid. Huh. Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
  • “This is never going to heal!”

    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:healing, time, wound]
  • “Her lips were warm, and my arm wasn't the only thing that was throbbing. Our hearts were, too. My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face... then slowly move her to the next room, maneuver her next to the bed... marry her, and start the whoopee machine. My plan was working fine until... Agh! She stuck her finger in my bullet hole!”

    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:kiss, sex]
  • “- Rigby Reardon: I'm working on an important case. It's dangerous, and you'll probably be killed. But if you love me, you'll do it.
    - Jimmi-Sue Altfeld: Yes, I do love you.
    - Rigby Reardon: And I love you. And I mean that more than anything I've ever said in my life.”

    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    Lana Turner - Jimmi-Sue Altfeld
    [Tag:danger, helping, love]
  • “Juliet! Those dirty bastards! Beating up a woman. They even knocked your breasts out of whack.”
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:breast, violence]
  • “- Juliet Forrest: Sometimes I feel I would like to...
    - Rigby Reardon: You'd like to what? Kiss me? Yeah, that would be nice. It would give me a chance to tell her I was starting to feel something for her, too. Something warm and squishy. But how could I explain that a man in my business can't take on a wife, have a bunch of kids?
    - Juliet...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:feeling, kiss, regret]
  • - "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : You don't smoke, do you?
    - Rigby Reardon: No, I have tuberculosis.
    - "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : Oh, thank heaven for that.

    Cary Grant - "Handsome"(in "Suspicion")
    Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
    [Tag:disease, smoking]