“Problem Child” quotes

(1990)
Movie Problem Child
Dennis Dugan directed this movie in 1990
Title Problem Child
Year 1990
Director Dennis Dugan
Genre Comedy, Family
Plot – Junior is a 7-year-old boy who lives in an orphanage run by nuns. There are a lot of couples who want to adopt him, but the problem is that he is a troublemaker and after a few days of custody, the foster parents always take him back. Florence and Ben try anyway: after a while, Junior sets fire to his room, destroys a supermarket, teaches swears to the parrot, fights with the cat and ruins a girl’s party. However, Ben finds a way into the kid’s heart.
All actors – John Ritter, Jack Warden, Michael Oliver, Gilbert Gottfried, Amy Yasbeck, Michael Richards, Peter Jurasik, Charlotte Akin, Anna Marie Allred, Adam Anderly, Robert A. Anderson, Cody Beard, Jordan Burton, Eli Cummins, John S. Davies, Vince Davis, Dennis Dugan, Justin Elledge, Eric Elterman, Ward Emling, John William Galt, Corki Grazer, Vernon Grote, Garland Hampton, Helena Humann, Philip Jhin, Judy Jones, Melody Jones, Danny Kamekona, Ehchi Edward Kawanabe, Colby Kline, Joseph Kolb, Hugh Lampman, Ellen Locy, Kristen Lowman, Joshua Martin, Melissa Reneé Martin, Julie Mayfield, Andrea McCall, Willie Minor, Ron Miranda, Shepler Mobley, S. 'Monty' Moncibais, Norma Moore, Abby Newman, John O'Connell, Kristy Lynne Patrick, Eric Poppick, John Rainone, Martin Rayner, Dennis Redfield, Symone Redwine, Lico Reyes, Florence Schauffler, Shaun Shimoda, Garry Smith, Josh Stoppelwerth, Al Trejo, Alex Utroska, Kerry Von Erich, Jack Willis, Ed Yeager, Jessica Zucha, John Achorn, Lee Arnone, Catherine Battistone, Rina Lee Bennett, Bob Bergen, Deem Bristow, Agim Coma, Maggie Dawson, Claudette Duffy, Phillip Glasser, Kenneth Hartman, Endre Hules, Richard Kline, Amy Levy, Marilyn Madderom, Humberto Ortiz, Anthony Tyler Quinn, LaGloria Scott, Burton Sharp, Laura Summer, Dan Woren, , Debbie Adkins, Joan Arenstein, Bruce Calvert, James Field, Derek A. Jones, Renay Morgan, Jamie Day Price-Young, Summer Selby
show all
  • “Isn't that what's wrong with the world today? People are just looking for the easy way out, like their problems are gonna go away? Problems just don't go, Flo! You know? So the question here is: what are we going to do with our little problemchild? I'll tell you what we are going to do. Something that no parent has ever done for him before....” (continue)(continue reading)
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
  • “- Martin Beck: I drove over a thousand miles, to hang out with a seven year old.
    - Junior: I'm going to be eight in two weeks.
    - Martin Beck: Don't count on it.”

    Michael Richards - Martin Beck
    Michael Oliver - Junior
    [Tag:birthday, driving]
  • You mean we've been doing "it" every night, for nothing?
    Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy
    [Tag:sex]
  • “I hope you guys are insured.”
    Michael Oliver - Junior
    [Tag:insurance]
  • “I don't give a rats ass for the voters! All I care about is the power and the power that'll give me the money. That's why I'm a success and you're not! America for the Americans. You believe that nonsense? You're stupider than I thought! I'd sell my soul to the Japanese if they made me an offer. And as for you, don't come suckering around me if...” (continue)(continue reading)

    Jack Warden - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.
  • “Could you act like nuns?”

    Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
    [Tag:nuns]
  • “Oh my God, they're retarded.”

    Michael Oliver - Junior
    [Tag:parents]
  • “Some people never learn.”
    Michael Oliver - Junior
  • “Apparently my birth is not considered a blessed event; that's me in the basket, and that's my mother carrying me. And that's my mother running away.”
    Michael Oliver - Junior
  • “Junior is gonna be a convict before he's in third grade!”
    Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy
    [Tag:badness, children]
  • “Remember if we win, we all get ice cream!”
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    [Tag:food, winning]
  • We'll love him when he's bad, we'll love him even more when he gets worse, then one day he's gonna crack and say, "Hey, these people really do love me! They ain't gonna quit on me! I don't have to be bad anymore. What the hey, I can be President of the United States!".
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
  • “Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?”
    Michael Oliver - Junior
  • “- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: This is nature, huh? The trees. The forests.
    - Junior: The toilets.”

    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    Michael Oliver - Junior
    [Tag:nature]
  • “- Mr. Peabody: Badparents make bad children!
    - Flo Healy: Oh so now I'm a badparent just because I hate my kid!
    - Mr. Peabody: You took him, he's yours!
    - Little Ben Healy: That's because you conned us into him!
    - Mr. Peabody: What am I supposed to do with the little creep? He's already been returned 30 times!”

    Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
    Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
  • “- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Dad, we adopted.
    - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Are you insane?
    - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: I thought you'd be happy.
    - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Happy? You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know, his parents may have met in the looney bin. They might even be democrats!”

    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    Jack Warden - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.
    [Tag:adoption]
  • “- Mr. Peabody: Maybe all Junior needs is to be loved.
    - Mother Superior: Let's cut the crap, Mr. Peabody. Either Junior goes or you find yourself some new nuns.”

    Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
    Helena Humann - Mother Superior
    [Tag:children, love, nuns]
  • “I bet you've never been camping before. It's so much fun! There's singing, marshmallows, and all sorts of stupid humans to scare!”
    Michael Oliver - Junior
  • “We've adopted Satan!”

    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    [Tag:adoption]
  • “Oh, my God! It's the devil!”

    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    [Tag:children, devil]
  • “A priest, it's like a nun with a jacket.”
    Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
    [Tag:clergymen, nuns]
  • “- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: I slaved to you for 10 years without a raise or a promotion.
    - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Is there a lesson to be learned from all this? How about don't trust anyone?
    - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Not even your own father?
    - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Especially your own father! You know what your problem is?...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    Jack Warden - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.
    [Tag:father, trust, working]
  • “- Junior: Hey, Martin! Let's go see the bearded lady.
    - Martin Beck: No, I've seen too many of them in prison.”

    Michael Oliver - Junior
    Michael Richards - Martin Beck
    [Tag:prison]
  • “- Mother Superior: You see Mr. Peabody the child is incorrigible.
    - Junior: I'm what? Why don't you speak English lady?”

    Helena Humann - Mother Superior
    Michael Oliver - Junior
  • “- Junior: I'm sorry Mr. Healy, please don't spank me.
    - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Well I'll have to punish you somehow. I'm taking back you're allowance.
    - Junior: The whole buck?
    - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Yes go get it.
    Junior: I wonder if he's got change for a twenty?”

    Michael Oliver - Junior
    John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
    [Tag:money, punishment]
Highlights