“Time Bandits” quotes

(1981)
Movie Time Bandits
Terry Gilliam directed this movie in 1981
Title Time Bandits
Year 1981
Director Terry Gilliam
Genre Sci-Fi, Comedy, Adventure, Fantasy
Plot – Kevin is an eleven-year-old boy who enjoys reading fantasy novels to overcome the boredom of endless evenings spent with his parents who are obsessed by television and appliances. One night he sees six dwarves coming out of his closet. They own a map showing time holes, through which it is possible to travel in time. The Supreme Being created the world in six days and has neglected some finishing touches, such as these holes, which allow the six dwarves to steal in one era and run away in another. During an escape they barge into Kevin's room and take him with them, making him a companion of adventures and robberies throughout the centuries.
All actors – John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Katherine Helmond, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, Ralph Richardson, Peter Vaughan, David Warner, David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, Malcolm Dixon
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  • “- Evil: When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding.
    - Robert: Uh, understanding of what, Master?
    - Evil: Digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    David Warner - Evil
    Derek Deadman - Robert
  • “- Kevin: I'll never get the chance to meet Robin Hood again.
    - Randall: Oh, stop moaning. He's obviously a dangerous man, unbalanced if you ask me. Giving away what isn't even his!”

    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    David Rappaport - Randall
  • “- Robin Hood: The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all?
    - Randall: Who?
    - Robin Hood: The poor.
    - Randall: The poor?
    - Robin Hood: Oh you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor.”

    John Marwood Cleese - Robin Hood
    David Rappaport - Randall
    [Tag:poverty]
  • “You are a very troublesome little fellow. I think I should teach you one of my special lessons? What do you think, Robert? Benson? What would look nice? Half-warthog? Half-donkey? Half-oyster? Half-carrot?”
    David Warner - Evil
    [Tag:magic, punishment]
  • “- Evil: Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
    - Benson: Oh, you say such nice things, Master.
    - Evil: Yes I know, I'm sorry!”

    David Warner - Evil
    Jerold Wells - Benson
    [Tag:scorn, stupidity]
  • “- Mrs. Ogre: Aren't they lovely? We can have them for breakfast.
    - Winston the Ogre: You mean eat their boots?
    - Mrs. Ogre: No dear, I mean eat all of them. Every little bit.”

    Katherine Helmond - Mrs. Ogre
    Peter Vaughan - Winston the Ogre
    [Tag:danger, eating]
  • “Look, you and me, we've got a lot in common. Not like that lot. We like a risk. We like adventure! Well, this is it. This is the big one! No namby-pamby time holes here. We risk all. We win everything!”
    David Rappaport - Randall
  • “- Supreme Being: I should do something very extroverted and vengeful to you. Honestly, I'm too tired. So, I think I'll transfer you to the undergrowth department, brackens, more shrubs, that sort of thing... with a 19% cut in salary, backdated to the beginning of time.
    - Randall: Oh, thank you, sir.
    - Supreme Being: Yes, well, I am the nice one.”

    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
    David Rappaport - Randall
  • “- Vincent: I love the ocean. God, how I love her. She's so, so damn...
    - Pansy: Wet.
    - Vincent: Wet, yes. Yes. So damn, damn, wet!”

    Michael Palin - Vincent
    Shelley Duvall - Pansy
    [Tag:love, ocean]
  • “To be quite frank, Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of botched job, you see. We only had seven days to make it. And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes. Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinkingrich?”
    David Rappaport - Randall
  • “- Winston the Ogre: You try being beastly and terrifying... you can only get one hoursleep a night because your back hurts, and you daren't cough unless you want to pull a muscle.
    - Mrs. Ogre: But you are horrible, dear.
    - Winston the Ogre: You're just saying that.”

    Peter Vaughan - Winston the Ogre
    Katherine Helmond - Mrs. Ogre
    [Tag:comfort, ugliness]
  • “Alexander the Great, five feet eight exactly. Isn't that incredible! I mean, Alexander the Great, who's empire stretched from India to Hungary, one inch shorter than me. Oliver Cromwell, the only man with any guts in British history, wasn't a big man at all. Louis XIV, five foot two and a half. Charlamagne, dopey little five footer! He's a good...” (continue)(continue reading)
    Sir Ian Holm - Napoleon
  • “- Wally: Do you mean you knew what was happening to us all the time?
    - Supreme Being: Well, of course. I am the Supreme Being, I'm not entirely dim.”

    Jack Purvis - Wally
    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
    [Tag:awareness]
  • “Thank you very much! Thank you very much. Thank you very very very very much! What awful people.”

    John Marwood Cleese - Robin Hood
    [Tag:appearance, scorn]
  • “- Randall: This map, Kevin, used to belong to the Supreme Being.
    - Kevin: You mean you stole it?
    - Randall: No, no. Well, sort of.”

    David Rappaport - Randall
    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    [Tag:theft]
  • “Dead? No excuse for laying off work.”
    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
    [Tag:death, layoff]
  • “- Randall: People who are always right make me sick!
    - Fidgit: That's why you get along with yourself so well!”

    David Rappaport - Randall
    Kenny Baker - Fidgit
  • “- Kevin: Why does there have to be evil?
    - Supreme Being: I think it has something to do with free will.”

    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
    [Tag:evil, free will]
  • “- Kevin: It's some kind of invisible barrier.
    - Fidgit: Oh, so that's what an invisible barrier looks like.”

    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    Kenny Baker - Fidgit
    [Tag:appearance]
  • “- Fidgit: You're gonna get us all killed, Randall!
    - Randall: Stop whimpering! How was I to know we were gonna run right into an iceberg? It didn't say 'Get off before the iceberg' on the ticket!”

    Kenny Baker - Fidgit
    David Rappaport - Randall
    [Tag:danger]
  • “Do be careful! Don't lose any of that stuff. That's concentrated evil. One drop of that could turn you all into hermit crabs.”
    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
    [Tag:attention, evil]
  • “- Randall: We made trees and shrubs. We helped make all this.
    - Kevin: Whew! That's not bad.
    - Randall: Yeah. But did we get a thimble full of credit for it? No! All we got was the sack. Just for creating the Pink Bunkadoo.
    - Kevin: Pink Bunkadoo?
    - Randall: Yeah. Beautiful trees that was. Og designed it. 600 feet high, bright red, and smelled...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    David Rappaport - Randall
    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    [Tag:reward, trees, working]
  • “- Kevin: He was one of my heroes.
    - Randall: Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?”

    Craig Warnock - Kevin
    David Rappaport - Randall
    [Tag:heroes, working]
  • “- Evil: What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent?
    - Baxi Brazilia III: But He created you, Evil One.
    - Evil: What did you say?
    - Baxi Brazilia III: Well He created you, so He can't be entirely...
    - Evil: Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long...” (continue)
    (continue reading)
    David Warner - Evil
    Martin Carroll - Baxi Brazilia III
    [Tag:creation, evil, god]
  • “Back to creation. We mustn't waste any more time. They'll think I've lost control again and put it all down to evolution.”
    Ralph David Richardson - Supreme Being
Highlights