- Cheech: Man, I can't believe you. Every time you do coke this shit happens.
- Chong: Hey, wait a minute man. How come every time I do coke you say that "every time you do coke" thing?
“- Pedro: Is it heavy suff man? Will it blow me away?
- Anthony: You better fasten your seatbelt man.”
“You want to come over to my place? Okay. I'll be here with balls on.”
“- Man Stoner: [on police radio] Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, can you hear me?
- Clyde - Narc: Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...
- Sgt. Stedenko: Use the codename! The codename!
- Clyde - Narc: Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. The is Codename Hardhead.
- Sgt....” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Man Stoner: Ohhh! Ohhh!
- Pedro: Hey, how far you goin' man?
- Man Stoner: [points to the curb] Hey, right here would be fine, man!
- Pedro: What, you're not afraid of a little speed, are ya man?
- Man Stoner: Wha, you got some speed, man?
- Pedro: Huh? Speed? Oh, no, I don't got no speed man. But you know what I do got? I got a joint man!
-...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?
- Man Stoner: Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.
- Pedro: What's Labrador?
- Man Stoner: It's dog shit.
- Pedro: What?
- Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.
- Pedro: Yeah?
- Man Stoner: I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Prince Habib: I say we are lost.
- Mr. Slyman: We ar not lost. We are Arabs. Lost is when you don't know where you are going.”
“- Louis Corsican: I'm your brother, Louis.
- Lucian Corsican: Liar, my brother wasn't Mexican.”
“- Pedro: Hey how am I driving, man?
- Man Stoner: I think we're parked.”
“- Chong: You know what we should invest in? An old age home for hippies. 'Cause, think about it, hippies have been around since the 60's, man, and now there isn't really a hip place for them to go anymore. So, you know, it would be a home where they could smoke all the dope they'd want and listen to all the music they want, you know.
- Cheech:...” (continue) (continue reading)
“- Man: You wanna get high man?
- Pedro: Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man?”
“- Chong: You're driving like an idiot, man.
- Cheech: I just can't get used to these automatics, man.
- Chong: Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?”
Man Stoner: Hey, hey don't take those, man.
Man Stoner: I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Pedro: Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.
Man Stoner: [laughing in astonishment] Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...
Pedro: Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?
Man Stoner: Oh... hu-wow, man!
Pedro: Hey, what was in that shit,... (continue) (continue reading)
“- El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
- El Segundo: Why, God, of course.
- El Nebuloso: And who is God's personal representative in these parts?
- El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
- El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.”
“It was Rock 'n Roll that killed Elvis, man!”
“- Cheech: Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?
- Chong: Okay.
- Cheech: When you see a friend, you say, hey, how's it going, pendejo?”
“- Chong: I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.
- Cheech: Oh, yeah?
- Chong: Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.”
“- Louis Corsican: The Evil Fuckaire - he's trisexual!
- Lucian Corsican:: Trisexual?
- Louis Corsican: Yeah, he'll try anything: men, women, goats, chickens, dogs, mud... anything!”
“- Man Stoner: No, hey man, if we're gonna wear uniforms man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.
- Pedro: Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something wear everybody wears something different man, but the same, you know?”
“Sometimes it's not even the drugs that'll kill you man. What really kills you is looking for drugs.”
“- Man Stoner: Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I slept in a ditch last night, man, I was about to freeze my balls off, man.
- Pedro de Pacas: Man, I didn't even know you had any, I wouldn't of stopped.”