Jason Sudeikis quotes
“You want my advice? Leisureland is where you want to be.”
“- Jake: Will you take drugs with me and go to a kid's birthday party?
- Lainey: I literally thought you'd never ask.”
“- Mike McKinney: I got another job.
- David Ghantt: No kiddin', what are you doin'?
- Mike McKinney: Tax preparation.
- David Ghantt: Oh, are ya? That's nice.
- Mike McKinney: Naw, I'm just foolin'. It's gonna be more murder.”
“- David Clark: Brad, I almost got killed over this shit twice.
- Brad Gurdlinger: Look, I'm not gonna be an asshole about this. I got two tons of premium weed, and yes you got Chacon pinched in the process, which is a huge win for team Brad. So how about we shake hands and call it even?
- David Clark: You were never gonna pay me, were you?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
“We are all now officially international drug smugglers. Add it to the resume.”
“- Matilda: Where's your homework?
- Red: I don't have it.
- Matilda: Why not?
- Red: I didn't do it. I thought about doing it until I realized it would be a total waste of my time!”
“Give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Matilda: Take that, porkers!
- [She shot a fireball to kill the pigs]
- Red: Well, how about that? She can shoot fireballs out of her butt.”
“- Red: This is why we went for pedicures, isn't it?
- Chuck: No, we got pedicures because we're worth it.
- Bomb: I got gels.”
“- Xander: What the fuck is that?
- Jake: That was repartee.
- Xander: That's exactly why I can't have you at the party, because you have repartee with everybody. You love repartee. All you wanna do is flit around the party, flirt with the moms. And then they all get mad and they turn on each other then they yell at Naomi then Naomi yells at me...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Drop your nuts and move your butts!”
“- Jake: I love you for free, Lainey.
- Lainey: I love you for free, Jake.”
“Something about those pigs isn't kosher.”
“- Lainey: If you want someone to fall for you, you gotta be you.
- Jake: Yeah I don't think I like me enough to introduce him to other people.”
“- Brad Gurdlinger: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.
- David Clark: Great.
- Brad Gurdlinger: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Can we please go home, dry each other off with friction?”
“When you start sleeping with someone you risk losing them.”
“- Lainey: First of all, you are not the Mark Zuckerberg of vaginas.
- Jake: I don't know who that is.”
“- David Clark: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
- Brad Gurdlinger: Uh oh, something wrong?
- David Clark: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
- Brad Gurdlinger: Smidge and half, no?
- David Clark: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man.”