Zach Galifianakis quotes
“- Mike McKinney: I got another job.
- David Ghantt: No kiddin', what are you doin'?
- Mike McKinney: Tax preparation.
- David Ghantt: Oh, are ya? That's nice.
- Mike McKinney: Naw, I'm just foolin'. It's gonna be more murder.”
“Sometimes the only way out... is through.”
“- Peter Highman: If you are going to travel with me, we have to set a few ground rules. First off, no asking me any questions. Second, if you fall asleep for any reason other than that you are in a bed and it's nighttime, I will strangle you. Third, if you are allergic to waffles, don't eat them.
- Ethan Tremblay: Then don't take me to a Waffle...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- David Ghantt: What should I call you, sir?
- Steve: Nothing. You don't ever need to see me or know my name. You can refer to me as Geppetto.
- David Ghantt: Geppetto?
- Steve: Yeah, Geppetto. As in Pinnochio. As in, I pull the strings.
- David Ghantt: I think he means Stromboli.
- Steve: What did you call me?
- David Ghantt: Nothin'. I just...” (continue)(continue reading)
“You don't get it Stu. You. Just. Don't. Get It. I have over 60 apps on that phone. Do you know how much time and manhours it would take to redownload those apps?”
“- Inga: Where did you get all these scars?
- Luke: Well, let's see. Skateboard... Truck accident... Fire hydrant.
- Inga: I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?
- Luke: No, not really. I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.”
“He's evil, he's magic, and it's about to get tragic. It's Voldemort!”
“He likes long, violent walks on historic builds. It's King Kong!”
- Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
- The Joker: Who else drives you to one-up them the way I do?
- Batman: Superman.
- The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!
- Batman: I like to fight around.
- The Joker: You're seriously saying that there's nothing special about us?
- Batman: There is no "us". Never will be.
“Hold on a sec. Are you trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne is Batman... 's roommate?”
“You farted right into my butt hole. It's like a fart transplant.”
“- The Joker: ...Mr. Freeze, Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser, Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula, King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth, March Harriet, Zodiac Master, Gentlemen Ghost, Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite Man, Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King!
- Pilot Bill: Okay, are you making some of those up?
- The Joker: Nope, they're all real. Probably...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I'd rob a funeral home for you.”
“I look like if Jesus and a cat had a baby.”
“- Stu: You're the bearded devil!
- Alan: You liked it! You smiled at me when I held up the bag of marshmallows!
- Stu: Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho!!”
“- Kelly: We could hop on over to Brazil. You ever been to Rio?
- David Ghantt: I've never even been to the airport but about twice in my life.
- Kelly: Oh, it's a real magical place.
- David Ghantt: Yeah. All those planes landin' and takin' off and such.
- Kelly: No, Rio.
- David Ghantt: Oh, Rio, yeah, yeah.”
“- Jandice: A couple years back, I was at a youth praise concert at church, and I saw the most handsome man that I had ever seen in the world. He was looking right at me. We went on a date, and then we fell very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very deeply in love. And then he died. Snake bite. At his funeral, I was very, very distraught. I...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Tim Jones: You broke into our house. What kind of neighbors are you?
- Jeff Gaffney: You bugged our house. What kind of neighbors are you?
- Tim Jones: Good point.”
“- Peter Highman: Why are your father’s ashes in a coffee can?
- Ethan Tremblay: Because he’s dead, Peter.”
“Steve was a petty thief, mostly known for stealing tiny wheelchairs from pediatric hospitals.”
“- Jake: Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?
- Lesley: We share a vagina.”
“I'm starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain't flattering, I'll tell you that.”
“My name's Alan and I bought a giraffe! Oh, my life is perfect!”