Dave Chappelle quotes
“The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.”
“I'll rip your lips off, and kiss my ass with them shits. I'll rip your tongue out, and lick my balls with it.”
“Stop listening to celebrities. They do what they do for money - that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.”
“You know it's like, I dunno you... you float out... float out at sea then one day you find a port, say, 'I'm gonna stay here a few days'. A few days becomes a few years. Then you forgot where you were going in the first place. Then you realize you don't really give a shit about where you was going, cause you like where you at.”
“I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.”
“- Deacon: What's going on?
- Tulley: I never know what's going on!”
“- Disco Cabbie: You need to find yourself a man who's secure enough to appreciate you for the superior woman that you are. I like a strong woman.
- Ellie: Oh... yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Disco Cabbie: And you are a strong woman. If I was you, I would pull over with me and celebrate our strength together. What do you think about that, baby?
- Ellie: This...” (continue)(continue reading)
Let me tell you something about the word "good," brotha. Good is an ancient anglo-saxon word, go-od, meanin the absence of color. I.e. it's all good, which it is, or "Good Will Huntin", meanin, "I'm Huntin' Niggas!". So when you say "good morning", what you are telling me is "I'm gonna kill yo black ass, first thing in the mornin'!".
- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: Would you like to hear some of my poetry?
- Thurgood Jenkins: Not really, no.
- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: You really should. "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ".
- Thurgood Jenkins: You must seek... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Rusty P. Hayes: You expect me to believe you were mugged?
- Willard Fillmore: Mugged? It was more like a rape! Well... not a real rape.”
“Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.”
“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”
- Undercover Brother: Hi.
- Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the white man wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?
- Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?
“Jesus Christ: black man. Babe Ruth: black man. Madonna:... slept with black men.”
“I love weed, love it! Probably always will! But not as much as I love pussy! The end.”
“- Historian Smoker: You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?
- Thurgood Jenkins: How much?
- Historian Smoker: I don't know, we never used 'em.”
“So, now we all live together in New York. I myself, am a master of the custodial arts. Or a janitor, if you wanna be a dick about it.”
“- Undercover Brother: You know what they say, behind every great black man...
- Conspiracy Brother: is the police.”
“I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.”
“- Guard Falzon: [after searching him] It smells like someone shit in your mouth.
- Pinball: He told me he loved me.”