Rowan Atkinson quotes
“You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.”
“- Johnny English: Virtual reality?
- Bough: It's completely immersive, and some people lose track of their actual surroundings.
- Johnny English: Oh, I think we can pretty much guarantee that's not gonna happen.”
“- Ophelia: I'm not sure I've ever met a man quite like you, Basil.
- Johnny English: Let me clear up the uncertainty for you. You haven't.”
“- Bough: Do you think we should get some petrol for the Aston, sir?
- Johnny English: No. An Aston Martin is surprisingly economical, Bough.”
“- Pegasus: Now, transport. So, take any hybrid you want.
- Johnny English: [pulls the dust cover off an Aston Martin] I'll take this one.
- Pegasus: Oh, don't be ridiculous, English. This car's a relic. Drinks petrol, leaks oil and has no passive, let alone active, safety features.
- Bough: You know what else it doesn't have, Sir? Satellite...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Bough: Sir! Wonderful to see you!
- Johnny English: Yes, alright Bough, we're going on a mission, not a honeymoon.”
“My bottom will be king of England before you are.”
“I've been dropped into the Kalahari desert, carrying nothing more than a toothbrush and a pack of Sherbet Lemons, and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan.”
“- Enrico Pollini: I am Enrico Pollini. Now, I know what you are thinking... Enrico is a girl's name.
- Owen Templeton: No I wasn't.
- Enrico Pollini: No pun intended.
- Owen Templeton: What pun was that?”
“- Lt. Brutus: Mr. Bean, are you presently on any kind of medication?
- Mr. Bean: Not that I know of.
- Lt. Brutus: You certainly could use some.”
“- Fiona: It's rather like the first time one has sex, I suppose.
- Father Gerald: I suppose so.
- Fiona: Only not as messy, and far less cause for condoms.”
“- Ron Anderson: Listen, Dexter, is there something troubling you? Something that you would like to talk to someone about?
- Dexter King: Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is...
- Ron Anderson: Then for fuck's sake talk to someone about it, will you? And sort it out before I sack you and hire a lobotomized monkey to play your role. Okay?”
“- Bough: Are you all right, sir?
- Johnny English: Yes, I landed on something quite soft.
- Bough: That was me, sir.”
“- Mondavarious: I believe somebody is casting a spell on the students. Now listen and look around. Can you notice any difference between those arriving and those departing?
- Daphne: They look like sober, well-behaved collegekids.
- Mondavarious: Precisely. And they didn't before they came. They've changed. In other words, a magic spell.”
“Families are very important and Even though Mr. Whistler was prefectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat who looked like she'd had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her, and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of.”
“I have lost my heart many times before... I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.”
“A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.”
“- David Langley: What exactly is your position at the gallery?
- Mr. Bean: I sit in the corner and look at the paintings.
- David Langley: Ach! That is brilliant! If only more scholars would do that, not lecture and write and argue, but just sit and look at the paintings themselves. Now that is brilliant.”
“- Lorna Campbell: You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Savage.
- Johnny English: No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giantcactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.”
“My job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's really quite big, which is excellent. because If it were really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it. Which would be a tremendous shame.”
“Look! A drifter, let's kill him!”