Woody Allen quotes
“Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats.”
“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.”
“Intellectuals are like the Mafia, they only kill their own.”
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
“I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.”
“He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.”
“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”
“It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
“Why are our days numbered and not say lettered?”
“When it comes to sex, there are some mysteries that should remain unexplored. And with my luck, they always will be.”
“- Helen Lacey: Oh, Victor, please don't do anything dangerous!
- Victor Shakapopulis: Don't worry. I know how to handle tits.”
“- Dr. Bernardo: Here I'm studying premature ejaculation in a hippopotamus.
- Victor Shakapopulis: How often does that problem come up with a hippo?
- Dr. Bernardo: Here I'm forcing a man to have intercourse with a large rye bread. They're getting on famously! Here I'm going to take the brain of a lesbian and put it into the body of a man who...” (continue)(continue reading)
“With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!”
“Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.”