Woody Allen quotes
“- Ray: For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.
- Frenchy: Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.”
“Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.”
As you go through life there will be no shortage of people who will tell you how to live. They'll have all the answers for you. Don't argue with them. Say "Yes, that's a brilliant idea", and then do what you want.
“My knowledge of art is limited to Kirk Douglas as Vincent VanGogh.”
“- Harry: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is?
- Cookie: Sure, that's how I make my livin'!”
“- Isaac: I give the whole thing... four weeks. That's it.
- Mary: I, I can't plan that far in advance.
- Isaac: You can't plan four weeks in advance?
- Mary: No!
- Isaac: What kind of foresight is that?”
“Take my Aunt Rose. Not a beautiful woman at all. She looked like something from a live bait store.”
“Don't listen to what your teachers tell you, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.”
“It's like your I.Q. is suddenly in remission.”
“I drove up here today. I love driving. You run across so many interesting people.”
“- Mary: What are you thinking?
- Isaac: I dunno, I was just thinking. There must be something wrong with me, because I've never had a relationship with a woman that's lasted longer than the one between Hitler and Eva Braun.”
“Christ, the gum is jet black already.”
“- Gabe: Change equals death!
- Judy: What kind of bullshit? That's just a bullshit line! Maybe you fool your twenty-year-old students into thinking that's some kind of an insight or something, but it means nothing! Change is what life is made of! Change - if you don't change, you don't grow, you just shrivel up!”
How millions of sperm... competed for a single egg, not the other way around. Men would make love with any number of women... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: "Let us out, let us out!".
“All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.”
“- Lenny Weinrib: You think I'm a loser?
- Linda Ash: Yeah, you've got no confidence, it's sweet, I like that in a man. I can't stand those johns who come in and throw down a couple of hundred and whip out a big dick and wave it all over the joint.
- Lenny Weinrib: I wouldn't do that, even if I wanted to...”
“It's important to feel guilty. Otherwise, you're capable of terrible things.”
“- Danny Rose: How are you, darling? How old are you?
- Lou's Daughter: Twelve.
- Danny Rose: Twelve! Are you married?”
“Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.”
“- Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.
- Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.”