Woody Allen quotes
“If a guy comes out onstage at Carnegie Hall and throws up, you can always find some people who will call it art.”
“What you don't know, won't hurt you, it'll kill you.”
“- Isaac: You honestly think that I tried to run you over?
- Connie: You just happened to hit the gas as I walked in front of the car?
- Isaac: Did I do it on purpose?
- Jill: Well, what would Freud say?
- Isaac: Freud would say I really wanted to run her over, that's why he was a genius.”
“One day about a month ago, I really hit bottom. I just felt that in a Godless universe I didn't wanna go on living. Now I happen to own this rifle, which I loaded believe it or not, and pressed it to my forehead. And I remember thinking, I'm gonna kill myself. Then I thought, what if I'm wrong, what if there is a God.”
“When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he wants is to exchange fluids.”
“Are you divorced or widowed? Did your husband commit suicide? I could understand that.”
“- General Mandible: You're an ant after my own heart, an ant who looks death in the face and laughs.
- Z: Actually, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back.”
“- CW Briggs: Hide in the bedroom.
- Betty Ann Fitzgerald: Can I sit down in there or will I catch something?
- CW Briggs: Germs can't live in your blood, it's too cold.”
“I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.”
Since the beginning of time people have been frightened, unhappy, scared of death, scared of getting old, and there's always been priests, shamans, shrinks around to tell 'em: "I know you're frightened, but I can help you. Of course, it is going to cost you a few bucks". But they can't help you because life is what it is.
“I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.”
“- Ray: I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.
- Frenchy: Yeah, you don't have to sell me.”
“- Burt: Do you care even about the holocaust, or do you think it never happened?
- Harry Block: Not only do I know that we lost 6 million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken.”
“We were just sort of sitting around and I put on a record of Louie Armstrong which was music I grew up with and it was very, very pretty, and I happened to glance over and I saw Dorrie sitting there. And I remember thinking to myself how terrific she was and how much I loved her. And I don't know, I guess it was a combination of everything, the...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Marriage is the death of hope.”
“Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.”
“- Doris: You have no values. Your whole life, it's nihilism, it's cynicism, it's sarcasm and your orgasm.
- Harry Block: You know, in France I could run on that slogan and win.”
- Rain: I spent five days searching for the perfect word to describe the husband and that's when I came up with "apucious".
- Gabe: Apucious. I looked it up in the dictionary but I couldn't find it.
- Rain: Yeah, I know. I made it up.
- Gabe: Oh, really.
- Rain: Yeah. I thought it described him perfectly.
“I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”
“- Isaac: I think that, under my personal vibrations, I could put her life in some kind of good order.
- Yale: Yeah, that's what you said about Jill, and under your personal vibrations she went from bisexuality to homosexuality.
- Isaac: Yeah, but I gave her the old college try.”