Woody Allen quotes
“So when you have the sword down your throat, what happens if you get hiccups?”
“I can't express anger. That's one of the problems I have. I grow a tumor instead.”
“- Adrian: I can't! It's disgusting!
- Andrew: How can it be disgusting? I don't even have my clothes off.”
“A week ago I bought a rifle, I went to the store - I bought a rifle! I was gonna... if they told me I had a tumor, I was gonna kill myself. The only thing that might have stopped me is that my parents would be devastated. I would have to shoot them also, first. And then I have an aunt and uncle, it would've been a blood bath.”
“- Question Askers-Screening: A lot of people have accused you of being narcissistic.
- Sandy Bates: No, I know. People think that I'm egotistical and narcissistic, but it's not true. I... As a matter of fact, if I did identify with a Greek mythological character, it would not be Narcissus.
- Question Askers-Screening: Who would it be?
- Sandy...” (continue)(continue reading)
“There's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.”
“- Adrian: It was a perfect moon lite summer night. He put his hands on my breasts and my blood just started to boil and afterwards I've never been able to rid myself of the guilt.
- Andrew: You enjoyed it?
- Adrian: Definitely! It was hot!”
“A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.”
“- The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?
- Harry Block: No. That I never did.
- The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.”
“You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you gotta suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point of life.”
“If you take very good care of your styptic pencil and dry it after every shave, it will last longer than most relationships that you're in.”
“Only a drunken, infantile idiot shoots himself over love, not an internist.”
“If you have to steal, steal from the best.”
“I may be a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin.”
“- Carol Lipton: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.
- Larry Lipton: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.”
“- Rain: Isn't it beneath you as a mature thinker, I mean, to allow your lead character to waste so much of this emotional energy obsessing over this psychotic relationship with a woman that you fantasize as powerfully sexual and inspired when, in fact, she was pitifully sick?
- Gabe: Look, let's stop this right now because I don't need a lecture...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”
“The nicest thing about masturbation is afterward, the cuddling time.”
“- Nick: Am I the kind of guy who loses his temper?
- Deborah: Please! You smashed the mime in the jaw!
- Nick: I gave him 100 bucks...”