Rob Schneider movie quotes

“- Jessica: What are you doing, wearing my bra?
- Booger Spencer: I'm not wearing your bra. I was simply holding it against myself.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica
Matt Weinberg - Booger

- Billy: She's the only girl that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her... I'm not living. I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again.
- Jessica: [sighs]
- Jake: "Gay, gay, gay, gay."
Matthew Lawrence - Billy
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Eric Christian Olsen - Jake

“- John Spartan: I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it.
- Erwin: He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!
[Erwin laughs, then calms down]
- Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.”

Sylvester Stallone - John Spartan
Rob Schneider - Erwin

“Too late dude, she's with me right now. She says that my peepee's way bigger than yours. And that's if I fold it in half.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

- Zatch: Something not even money can buy: the knives of Kwantsu.
- Iggy: Knives? Oh yeah, seriously. That's something money can't buy. Knives. Once I went to a cutlery store and said "Here's $100,000, can I buy a knife?". They said, "No. Money can't buy knives". Gee, I guess that's why you hardly ever see any of 'em around.
Ernie Reyes Sr. - Zatch
Rob Schneider - Iggy

“- Marty Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!
- Buckman: [tasting contents of can] What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.
- Marty Pascal: Except it's deviled ham!”
Rob Schneider - Marty Pascal
Ken Hudson Campbell - Buckman

“- Bob Bigalow: Your mom could've had any man she wanted in that strip club. And this being my first time in Bangkok, I was looking for a good time myself.
- Deuce Bigalow: You met my mom where?”
Richard Riehle - Bob Bigalow
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“You can do it, you can do it all night long.”
Rob Schneider - Townie

“- Antoine Laconte: Women pay me to... give them pleasure.
- Deuce Bigalow: How did you get that job?
- Antoine Laconte: I just sort of fell into it.
- Deuce Bigalow: I'm gonna kill my guidance counselor!”
Oded Fehr - Antoine Laconte
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“I feel so lesbian now.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

“I better get to the little girls room before I soak my panties. By that I mean, my girlfriends panties... which I carry with me.... To pee in... In case I dont make it in time, to the bathroom. What, you dont pee in your girlfriends panties? What kind of gay club is this? Hey everybody, check this guy out! not peeing in his girlfriends panties.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

“- Henry Roth: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that!
- Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?”
Adam Sandler - Henry Roth
Rob Schneider - Ula

“- April: Can i see it?
- Jessica: Alright, you wanna see it? Here, i'll shut you up.
- April: Nice. Nice. I mean, you know... I've only seen a couple, but that's definitely top five.
- Jessica: Top five? How many have you seen?
- April: Five, not including my little brother's.
- Jessica: You slut!”
Anna Faris - April
Rob Schneider - Jessica

“- April: So... do you really have a penis?
- Jessica: I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
- April: Can I see it?
- Jessica: April!
- April: Sorry... can I see it [Jessica shoots April a hard look]?
- April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis. ”
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Anna Faris - April

“- Detective Chuck Fowler: You know anything about this? [unzips his pants] Look. See that red spot over there? That wasn't there this morning. I checked. You know what it is?
- Deuce Bigalow: Maybe it's a rash. Something you got from jogging. How the hell do I know? Get it away from me.”
William Forsythe - Detective Chuck Fowler
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“- April: What is love? How do you know if you are really in love?
- Jessica: I think it's when you find that someone you can be yourself with, tell them anything you want, no?
- April: You mean like best friends?
- Jessica: Yea... Love is like wen you can't imagine your life without that special person, and words don't come close to how it...” (continue)(continue reading)

Anna Faris - April
Rob Schneider - Jessica

“- Bellman: [presents a pair of boxers] Your drawers, sir.
- Kevin McCallister: [grabs them] Geez! Don't flash these babies around here; there could be girls on this floor!
- Bellman: I was very careful, sir.
- Kevin McCallister: You can't be too careful when it involves underwear.”
Rob Schneider - Bellman
Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister

“- Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
- Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... that's like saying you've never had apple pie.”
Jon Heder - Clark
Rob Schneider - Gus

“- Jessica: How come you didn't snitch on me?
- Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
- Jessica: Come here [hugs him]
- Jessica: You're such a little weirdo. ”
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Matt Weinberg - Booger

“- Jessica: April, do you remember in second grade when you moved here from Arkansas? And everyone made fun of you and threw rocks at you, 'cuz you talked funny and your front two teeth were brown. I was your only friend. I gave you that locket, round your neck, when your grandmother was sick. You said, you said...
- April: We'd be bestest...” (continue)(continue reading)
Anna Faris - Jessica
Rob Schneider - April

“I just want you to know that I felt completely safe in your arms, and I never said that to a man before.”

Rob Schneider - Iggy

“- Skeeter Bronson: Mind showing me your finest horse?
- Chief Running Mouth: My ancestors believed horse spirit come down from mountain, during time of fire, wind. Many brave warrior walk trail of moon bear...
- Skeeter Bronson: Yeah I just wanna see the horse; I don't need all this.”
Adam Sandler - Skeeter Bronson
Rob Schneider - Chief Running Mouth

“- Asian Minister: Civil or religious?
- Chuck Levine: Religious. I'm Jewish, I don't wanna piss my mother off.
- Larry Valentine: I'm Catholic, I don't wanna piss Mel Gibson off.”
Rob Schneider - Asian Minster
Adam Sandler - Chuck Levine
Kevin James - Larrie Valentine

“Women are worried about their height, their weight, their giant feet, the stream of obscenities that could burst through their mouth at any second. If you make a woman feel good about herself, it really doesn't matter what's wrong with you.”
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“We win! Group hug in the shower tonight! Or not.”

Rob Schneider - Punky