Steve Martin quotes
“- Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
- C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.”
“Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.”
Just remember that in every pothole there is hope. Well, you see, pothole is spelled P-O-T-H-O-L-E. So if you take the P, and add it to the H, the O, and the E, and rearrange the letters... or contrariwise, you remove the O, T, and the L, you get "hope". So, just remember, in every pothole there is hope!
“- Jack: Don't be so broken up about Danielle. She already dumped Raul, you know.
- Larry: She has?
- Jack: Yeah, she's living with a rock group now.”
There's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say: "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit". There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.
“- Juliet Forrest: What are you doing?
- Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they... shifted all outta whack. There.
- Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
- Rigby Reardon: You're welcome.”
“- Edwina Cutwater: Hmm, we seem to have mutual control over our body.
- Roger Cobb: Our body? This is my body! I'm not sharing my body with anyone!”
“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I thought you were dead.
- Billy Sparrow: That was the general idea.”
“- Tina Shenk: Is Jake your only child?
- Kate Baker: Oh no. We have 12.
- Tom Baker: I couldn't keep her off of me.”
“He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.”
“- Navin: Are you a model?
- Marie: No. I'm a cosmetologist.
- Navin: Really? A cosmetologist? That's unbelievable. That's impressive. Must be tough handling the weightlessness.”
“- Roxanne: You even got me in bed.
- C.D. Bales: Yeah. Yeah, what about that? You went to bed with him on your first date.
- Roxanne: Only because you seduced me. I would have never gone to bed with him otherwise.
- C.D. Bales: You still went to bed with him awfully fast! A few frilly words and you're counting ceilling tiles.
- Roxanne: I don't...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Lord loves a workin' man. Don't trust whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it.”
“- Lorraine Baker: You know how I feel about camping.
- Tom Baker: But, we're staying in a house.
- Lorraine Baker: A house with no air conditioning. That makes it camping.”
“- Little Girl: Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh, it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose.
- Little Girl: But I thought...
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You thought, you thought. Just go. Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet behind the ears. It's not a...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I'm not really jogging. I only ran about fifty yards. This is not real sweat, either. I sprayed it on. They sell this at sporting goods stores. It's made from the actual sweat of professional athletes. This was taken from a Boston Celtics basketball player immediately after a double overtime game.”
“A woman is like a slingshot. The greater the resistance, the further you can get with her.”